Laws of Motion

[TonyTwoFingers]

Hey everyone,
Recently I've been feeling kind of guilty about my lack of writing, which is in no small part due to an increasing dissatisfaction with my own work. This is a poor attempt at trying to come up with a new story and trying to nail down some of the issues with my writing. So comments and criticisms are, of course and as always, greatly appreciated.

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The Kalb & Sons office building is fifty meters tall, give or take a few meters. This close to the earth, all objects, regardless of mass, accelerate towards the ground at the same velocity. 9.8 meters per second squared. Not accounting for external factors like aerodynamics, air friction, or environmental temperature, all objects dropped from the roof of the Kalb & Sons building will hit the ground after roughly three seconds of free fall.

“Take the classic Newtonian apple,” I explain, producing a waxy red delicious from my brown bag lunch. Ruben takes a bite out of his crustless peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

“Yuh-huh?”

I stand up and stroll to the edge of the building, licking my finger to test the wind. “I am currently wearing my grandfather’s antique wristwatch. It keeps impeccable time, and is accurate to the second. I want you to hold this, and make note of the time I let go of the apple, and the instant that I give you the signal that the apple has hit the ground.” I peel of the wristwatch and toss it to him underhand. “Now, I’m going to stick with my earlier estimate and say that the apple is going to impact in, about three seconds, seeing as it’s pretty windy. Ready?” I ask, dangling the apple over the parking lot. Ruben nods, taking another bite of his sandwich as he holds up the wristwatch. “Aaand, go!”

The apple tumbles towards the pavement in a terrifyingly straight line, shrinking, shrinking, shrinking, until its final metamorphosis from tiny speck of red to slightly larger speck of white. I wave my arm for the cutoff. “How long?”

“Free sheconds.” I take a bow.

“I rest my case. Now, given what I’ve told you so far, about how long would it take for an object of, say, my mass to fall from an equal height?” Ruben shrugs, puncturing a juice box comically small in his large hands.

“I dunno. A second and a half.”

“Tsk, tsk, tsk, Ruben. You weren’t paying attention. When neglecting certain variables that have little to no effect at this height, all objects accelerate toward the ground at equal speeds. Theoretically, an elephant that jumped off the roof would hit the ground in the same amount of time as that apple.”

“Prove it.”

I momentarily look around the rooftop for a suitable subject before the obvious choice presents itself. “You’ve got a good handle on that wristwatch?”

“Yeah, I’ve got it.”

I climb up onto the border of the rooftop, feeling the breeze run through my hair. Looking down at the shattered apple so many floors beneath me makes my feet go numb. I turn around and face Ruben. “Now Ruben, I’m going to ask again. If I jumped off this rooftop right now, about how long would it take for me to hit the ground?”

Ruben freezes with the bendy straw at his lips. “Luka, what are you talking about? Get down from there.”

“About how long would it take Ruben?”

“About three seconds, I guess. Now seriously, get down from there. You’re freaking me out.”

“Now you’re getting it! But, a good scientist knows to never trust simply hypotheticals! If an experiment is within the realm of possibility, it is our duty as the great inquisitive species of the planet to carry it out!” I turn around and precariously dangle my left leg over the precipice, feeling weightless. Blood rushes to my ears and my feet. My heart is pounding. Sweat is forming on my brow.

“Luka, get the hell down from there! What are you doing?”

“Hey Ruben, do you ever think about how humans are kind of like inverted apples?” I ask, looking past my suspended foot at the unfortunate fruit fifty meters straight down.

“What the hell are you talking about? Seriously, get down. You’re freaking me out.”

“Well, an apple has a red exterior with a fleshy white interior. I have a white exterior with a fleshy red interior. We’re like opposites.” My elevated foot is falling asleep, so I flex it slightly to encourage blood flow. “Three seconds, right? Get ready to mark the time...”

“Luka, if you don’t step down from there, I’m calling the manager. Or, or, the cops. Or both! Seriously, just get down, this isn’t funny!” He sounds closer now. Moving in on me in case I decide to do something stupid. Which isn’t altogether a bad idea. I begin leaning forward, shifting my body weight progressively further and further over the abyss. I have never before this moment noticed how beautiful the world is. I hear children laughing in the distance. I smell a backyard cookout somewhere slightly past a well-traveled freeway. I feel ever fluctuation in the breeze, every ray of sunlight, every impact of particulate matter on my skin. I am, for the first time in my life, alive. And yet, I can’t go through with it. I see the faces of my loved ones, the faces of witnesses, the faces of first responders. I can’t do it. Not today. I straighten myself out and bring my foot back to solid ground. “Jesus Christ man! Don’t do that! That shit wasn’t funny!”

“Oh, would you calm down? It was just a joke.”

“Just... don’t do that again. And no more science experiments.” I nod, moving back to my brown bag.

“Fine. No more science experiments.” I reopen the bag, and stare into it. Empty, with the exception of two small yellow tablets in a sandwich baggie. My stomach revolts at the sight of them.

“You got anything you don’t want to finish?” Ruben asks, cleaning up after himself. I briefly glance at him, then back down at the antidepressants, hesitating a moment before compressing the bag into a tight ball, tablets and all.

“Nothing left. Sorry.”

He laughs slightly, moving toward the stairwell. “You know, you’re psycho! For a moment there, I actually thought you were gonna jump off the roof for some stupid science experiment. God. Just promise me you won’t pull anything like that again, okay? My heart can only take so much joking!”

“Yeah, yeah, I promise,” I lie, following him back into the offices.

[Snuffkin]

Again, I really don't see the root of your self dissatisfaction. Seemed quite alright to me, if a little short. Though the fact that the main character is named Luka reminds me a little too much of Monster Girl Quest.

[Al Capwned]

Sounds like more interesting story than the one he was in before (c~k)

[Snuffkin]

TJ, could you please write more? Your writing is a helluva lot more entertaining than mine even when you try and inject some magnanimous moral into it, and the longer you delay in posting your contribution to the collaboration the Nip started, the worse I'm going to look in comparison. Seriously, the least you could do is rush the last little bit so as to make my monkey-to-keyboard tappings look at least passable in comparison. Oh, and stop being so damned melodramatically self-critical, it doesn't suit you well.