Crimson Sonatas

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TheCynic
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Crimson Sonatas

Post by TheCynic »

Hey guys, this is my first fanfic. I'd wanted to post it sooner, but i couldn't get the direction straight so it took some time. Hope you like it.
This is, according to my plan, the first chapter of a few, or even many, more to come. But then again, whether all will go according to plan or not is a totally different matter so don't hold me to my words :P

Thank you worthington, you provided the final push to get the ball rolling.
I am earnestly grateful.

Enjoy :D

*-----------------*-----------------*

Chapter 1 : Meeting Strawberry



The heavy-set wrought iron gates towering above my head hardly helps to rid me of my growing apprehension.

As my stomach resorts to the questionable comfort of tying and untying itself in rapid succession, I stand rooted to my spot facing the main entrance of Toyomina Academy. I would call it hypocritical: the buildings and their surroundings do not betray, even for an instance, their sinister nature and association. Merely standing there, I am slowly – but reluctantly - placated by the soothing entirety it depicts.

The unmistakable scent of strawberries lingers teasingly in the air. I can see the warm sunny grounds through the cold iron bars: lush green lawns dotted generously with a myriad of neatly trimmed trees, swaying pleasantly in the summer breeze. All is quiet; the only discernible sound is the melody the wind plays on the leaves. Unconsciously, I close my eyes.

It’s magic.

I feel like I am back on Mount Akina, the wind in my face, arms stretched wide, and standing atop a sharp cliff; terra firma a mile long drop below. I can even taste the delicious odor of roasting mountain trout. My dad used to take me camping there, before the accident.

Dad. The accident. It all starts to come back in a distorted, bitter torrent of feelings.

“What are you doing?” A voice inquires sanely. The scent of strawberries gets stronger.

I yell in surprise, almost leaping over the gate in the process. I barely glimpse a girl peering at me from between the bars.

“What the-”

“Sorry, I didn’-” We say at the same time, both failing to hear what the other had said.

“That’s alright-”

“I didn’t mean to-” We both start again, only to end up laughing.

“Okay, you go first,” says the girl, chuckling.

“It’s alright, you just scared me, that’s all. No need for apologies,” I manage to say.

I hadn’t noticed her approaching before, and now that I had, I scrutinize my intruder meticulously.

The first thing that hits me is her hair: shades of the most vibrant red playing in the soft morning light. She isn’t especially careful about it; it hangs in casual locks, framing her bright face. A shapely nose and small, slight lips – upturned in a warm smile - give her an overall pleasant feel.

But then I happen upon the part of her which is truly extraordinary.

A pair of brilliant azure eyes gazes at me inquisitively from beneath neatly trimmed eyebrows, and I’m astonished that I hadn’t immediately noted them. So strong is that unwavering gaze, that I fail to notice the rimless spectacles resting on the bridge of her nose until she(in a most clichéd manner) pushes them up, in a way that suggests it to be more of a force of habit then anything else.

“Hello? Are you okay?” She asks with a smile. I realize that I hadn’t said anything for a solid minute.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m great,” I respond hastily. “My name is Kazuma. Kazuma Nakamura. Nice to meet you.”

“Hello Kazuma. I’m Naomi Stark, from class 3-3. I was expecting you; our homeroom teacher, Mr.Fujiwara, thought you might need some assistance finding your bearings. Looks like he was right,” She laughs good-naturedly.

I laugh with her.

“Guess so. I’m sorry if I’ve kept you waiting. My train got held up; I arrived a half an hour later than I was supposed to.”

“Not at all. I should actually thank you for giving me an excuse to skip Math period.” She beams at me, opening the heavy gates which screech loudly in protest. Then she starts to move towards the nearest of the three buildings.

I catch up to her and match her pace: a leisurely stroll which displays no intention of a hastened return to class.

“Not very good at Math, are we?” I ask, secretly disappointed. Math was one of my stronger subjects.

“On the contrary, actually,” She corrects, “I’m ahead of the lectures and class gets boring. I find reading Hawkings to be a better use of my time.”

I’m impressed. Not many high-school-ers could read Hawkings, let alone prefer it.

I study her closely; she bobs along pleasantly, wisps of red hair swaying freely about her face. Her whole appearance is jolly, but not frivolous. And her eyes, her eyes look dead straight: intensely focused, like a hawk’s.

We walk the rest of the way in comfortable silence.

Eventually we reach our destination – a four storied edifice colored a matte red, not lustrous like Naomi’s hair, more of the color of red earth. She leads me through a set of glass paned doors into a well furnished, polished room which can only be described as an ante-room. A stately door to the right is labeled ‘Offices’ in big, stenciled letters. A larger, but less ornate, pair of revolving doors to the left is labeled ‘Cafeteria’. They resemble the stereotyped image of a cafeteria entrance; I think I prefer the stereotyped ones to the flamboyant office doors.

Naomi walks past both doors to the staircase at the end of the room.

“All the third year and second year classes are above the ground level,” she explains.
“The ground floor holds the cafeteria, the office rooms, and a large auditorium which is rarely used.”

I nod while trailing her up the stairs.

“The upper floors hold the classrooms, second year on the second floor, third year on the third. The fourth floor has the library, some of the club rooms, and the consultants’ rooms,”
Naomi says without skipping a beat.

But the way she says ‘consultants’ doesn’t escape my notice.

I guess that’s what they call the shrinks here. A polite way of concealing whom this school is really for – deranged adolescents incapable of socializing on a normal level, incapable of going to normal schools.

A school for the mentally disabled.

I cast a probing glance at Naomi; her head is turned away from me, and I can’t make out her expression. I phrase my next words carefully, intent on voicing my curiosity but not willing to risk her disapproval.

“Are the consultants’ rooms frequented by most students?”

A moment of silence followed by sounds of steady breathing tells me she’s pondering how to answer my question with equal, if not more, tact.
Finally, she climbs the last step and abruptly turns to face me.

“Just as much as is needed, not more. But enough of that. Our classroom is down the corridor over there,” she points vaguely.

“That doesn’t help at all. Aren’t you coming?” I ask tentatively.

She hums happily, and I can’t help feeling her contagious happiness bubble up inside me as well.

“Nope. I’d rather not go back to Math. I’ll be on the roof. Good luck on your first day!” She calls behind her back, all the while walking down the opposite side of the corridor.

I smile, amused, watching Naomi’s form vanish behind a corner. The scent of strawberries lingers for a while, and then dissipates as she moves further away.

“What a queer girl,” I say to no one in particular.
As I walk down the corridor, opposite to the side Naomi went to, I hear the voices of teachers drifting from the classrooms – some intent, some indifferent, and some others quite bored – and read the labels on the doors.
‘3-1’, ‘3-2’, and then finally I arrive at the door labeled ‘3-3’.
Standing there alone, I sigh in contemplation of the task ahead. I’d never enjoyed introducing myself to a large number of strangers.

But then I imagine a head full of strawberry red hair bouncing along the staircase up to the roof, all the while humming a tune.
It makes me smile.

Maybe school won’t be so bad, I tell myself.
Last edited by TheCynic on Fri Sep 07, 2012 10:44 am, edited 2 times in total.
One does not become grateful for breathing until one has to stop.

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TheCynic
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Re: Crimson Sonatas

Post by TheCynic »

I invite all sorts of criticism, constructive or not.
One does not become grateful for breathing until one has to stop.

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Waytfm
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Re: Crimson Sonatas

Post by Waytfm »

A voice inquires sanely
I lol'd.

Anyways, I enjoyed it. Even though it makes me feel bad for letting my own fanfics flounder :( I need to get started on that again... Hopefully that'll happen soon... maybe


Anyways again, Don't let that happen to you cynic. I want to see more.
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forest, winds howl in rage
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My Fanfics:
Absolut Schöne Will be updated (fairly) regularly(Lies)
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Ravenous
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Re: Crimson Sonatas

Post by Ravenous »

Indeed. Let's see more.
Image

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imperial.standard
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Re: Crimson Sonatas

Post by imperial.standard »

TheCynic wrote: “Hello Kazuma. I’m Naomi Stark"
Image
TheCynic wrote: "I feel like I am back on Mount Akina"

...

"Mr.Fujiwara"
Image

:shock: :shock: :shock: :o :o :o
"With words like these, we DON'T CURE patients, we make them INCURABLE"

Saint Peter Canisius, S.J., on polemical attacks against John Calvin & Melanchton

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TheCynic
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Re: Crimson Sonatas

Post by TheCynic »

imperial.standard wrote:
TheCynic wrote: “Hello Kazuma. I’m Naomi Stark"

"I feel like I am back on Mount Akina"

...

"Mr.Fujiwara"

:shock: :shock: :shock: :o :o :o
Leave it to imperial to guess all the sources of my names right :)

I apologize if my naming seems cliche but i don't have any more of a connection with Japanese culture than that which is provided by watching anime, so i didn't trust myself to come up with original names.
Just for the record -
Naomi- This was taken from a real world actress's name whose full name i have forgotten.
Stark - This is indeed 'inspired' by Tony Stark.
Kazuma - Stolen from Kazuma Azuma, the golden baker boy of Yakitate! Ja-pan.
Nakamura - This is taken from another anime whose name i have forgotten.
Fujiwara - A derivative of Bunta Fujiwara, an awesome dad (Initial D).
Akina - Likewise.
Toyomina - About the only name i formed originally, that too inspired by the last name of the megane character in High School of the Dead.

Thank you. I will try to post further chapters ASAP.

Thank you Waytfm and Ravenous, for taking the time.
One does not become grateful for breathing until one has to stop.

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Likhos
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Re: Crimson Sonatas

Post by Likhos »

I like this beginning (and not going to class as well). :3

Give me more strawberries.

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Malkav
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Re: Crimson Sonatas

Post by Malkav »

激しさとこの胸の中で絡みついたしやくねつのやみゆるぎないあすとかう
The other side of death

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Mr Immortal
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Re: Crimson Sonatas

Post by Mr Immortal »

First of, great first chapter, although I have a few, wee, teeny, weeny nit picks to make with it.
When two characters talk, you don't need to group the the speech together.
“Okay, you go first,” says the girl, chuckling.
“It’s alright, you just scared me, that’s all. No need for apologies,” I manage to say.
A line break should go between the two of these lines. You should generally treat speech as a paragraph, and have a new one for each character.

Second thing I'm not sure how to approach, seeing as I haven't actually wrote a situation like this, but...
“What the-” “Sorry, I didn’-”
We say at the same time.
What you have here works, and gets the point across, but two different characters speech should always go on different lines.

“What the-”

“Sorry, I didn’-” we say together, not rightly hearing what the other actually tried to say.
While it isn't the nicest sounding sentence, it follows the new line for new speech rule. But maybe a third opinion will run in and save the day, just incase my thinking is wrong.

And lastly, not that it bothers me, but seing as you're character is Japanese, is the story set in Japan, or has you're character moved from Japan?
"Kindeys. I've got new kidneys! I don't like the colour."
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TheCynic
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Re: Crimson Sonatas

Post by TheCynic »

Thank you Immortal :D :D

I fretted over how to deal with that 'simultaneous' speech problem, and you've solved it for me. I'll edit that part. And thanks for letting me know the 'individual line for individual speech' rule. Is it weird that i didn't know that?

As for the setting of the story - in my head, i imagine it being set in Japan. But i don't intend on officially including it anywhere in the story itself, i want it to be independent of the constrictions bound with specifying any particular region. Keeping it as vague as possible - that's the plan, at least for now.
And, i don't have any specific area of Japan in mind( i can't tell you much about Japan's places myself)

Hope that answers your inquiries.

Keep reading, i'm writing the next chapter as we speak.

I hope you guys enjoy what i write as much as i'm enjoying writing them ^.^
One does not become grateful for breathing until one has to stop.

jarek56
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Re: Crimson Sonatas

Post by jarek56 »

Mr Immortal wrote:First of, great first chapter, although I have a few, wee, teeny, weeny nit picks to make with it.
When two characters talk, you don't need to group the the speech together.
“Okay, you go first,” says the girl, chuckling.
“It’s alright, you just scared me, that’s all. No need for apologies,” I manage to say.
A line break should go between the two of these lines. You should generally treat speech as a paragraph, and have a new one for each character.

Second thing I'm not sure how to approach, seeing as I haven't actually wrote a situation like this, but...
“What the-” “Sorry, I didn’-”
We say at the same time.
What you have here works, and gets the point across, but two different characters speech should always go on different lines.

“What the-”

“Sorry, I didn’-” we say together, not rightly hearing what the other actually tried to say.
While it isn't the nicest sounding sentence, it follows the new line for new speech rule. But maybe a third opinion will run in and save the day, just incase my thinking is wrong.

And lastly, not that it bothers me, but seing as you're character is Japanese, is the story set in Japan, or has you're character moved from Japan?
Listen well to Immortal, this is excellent advice. I have none, really to add. :D

Congratulations on being the first fanfic I've ever read here, and one of only 7 I've ever read PERIOD. I don't read much fan fiction, and this is...nice. Simple, quick, easily pictured. I approve of continuing this story most strongly.

I noticed a FEW, minor grammatical errors in this fic, not too many and limited to needing, say, a semicolon instead of a comma.

I'm really looking forward to the next chapter on this, Cynic. Press on! :mrgreen:

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TheCynic
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Re: Crimson Sonatas

Post by TheCynic »

Here's the second chapter to the story.

I realize that Naomi doesn't get much story time, but this chapter was needed to introduce the other heroine of my story.

As usual, criticism is welcome. Feel free to tear my writing down.
Enjoy.

The Cynic.


*-----------------*-----------------*

Chapter 2 : Andante in Gold

‘How did I even end up here?’
I ask myself without much conviction.
Trying to make sense of the last two years is like trying to look left while looking right.
Impossible.
A vague voice rambles on in the distance, far from my consciousness. Fleeting images play in front of my eyes like an abstract movie: a dark, cold night, a horrible accident, a gruesome scar – and a lost life.
Tears threaten to spring up despite the best of my efforts; it takes all of my being to pull back to reality.

I stand awkwardly in front of the class, gazing firmly at my shoes. All is quiet except for Mr. Fujiwara’s incessant rambling; he’s taking an unbelievable amount of time to introduce me.
And the way he does so makes me sound so pompous and high-strung that I hang my head in embarrassment.

“He got the Friedman Math Scholarship in grade school, which is quite an achievement. You students would do well to follow his example,” he chants in his unnervingly slow voice.

I steal a glance at the students, and find thirty pairs of eyes focused intently on mine. They don’t look too impressed.
My cheeks blush a deep red, much like a strawberry’s.

Strawberries.
The thought brings back a torrent of sensations: a cool touch, a warm glow, and a quiet, musical laugh. A citric-sweet taste lingers pleasantly in my mouth.

I imagine the strawberry girl bouncing along the corridor, and chuckle.
Out loud.

To my horror, I realize the teacher has abruptly stopped his rambling, and is looking straight at me. So are thirty pairs of eyes, now seemingly very interested.

“Anything you want to add, Mr. Nakamura?” He asks curtly.

The class is completely silent, but their anticipation is telling.

“No, sir, I apologize for interrupting,” I say with as much gravity as I can muster. Keeping my voice stable is a herculean task in itself.

Mr. Fujiwara eyes me warily, clearly unhappy at my conduct. I hate to disappoint him, but I am hardly the stereotypical, sincere student he pictures me to be. I had always been good at studies, but I had never tried too hard.
Moreover, I hold no ambitions.

Fujiwara clears his throat noisily. He looks disheartened, as if unwilling to resume his bland recital of my academic ‘feats’. He fidgets with some of the papers on his desk, and then turns to me, saying,
“Well, this is going to be your class from now on. You can find an empty seat somewhere near the front. Unlike most academies, ours doesn’t enforce a rigid seat plan; you’re free to sit wherever you like. I take it you’ve been showed around the campus?”

“I’ve been shown around this building, sir, but not around the others,” I reply politely.

“You can ask any of the students here to show you around after class. Go take your seat now, we will resume where I left off.” He doesn’t sound very enthusiastic. Then again, I doubt he ever does.

Suppressing a sigh of relief, I curse myself under my breath for acting so foolish; if there ever was such a thing as a first impression, I had thoroughly ruined mine already.

Avoiding the inquisitive glances that I’m shot, I tread towards the rear end of the room. I don’t want to spend the class listening to Fujiwara go on about a topic that I’d already thoroughly explored. The benches near the back fit my purpose perfectly: they shelter me from the probing sights of most students, while providing me a vantage point from where I can scrutinize my new classmates.

I make my way down a row of seats until I arrive at an empty one. A homely window by the bench opens to a nice view of the sunny outdoors. Soft, golden shafts of light stream through the large pane of glass, and shadows of leaves play a polka-dotted pattern on the desk.

Gingerly, I sit down on my seat, puffing up clouds of dust in the process. It appears that the seat was unoccupied for quite a while.

Fujiwara drones on in the background; I tune him out completely. Legs outstretched, arms hanging casually by my side, I settle for a comfortable position. Then I get to the business of spying on my neighbors.

The immediate impression I receive is summed up in one word – ordinary.

My classmates are regular, ordinary, normal-looking students whom you’d expect to find in any other school. The disappointment building up in me makes me feel a little guilty; I was expecting them to be more like the stereotyped lunatics depicted on television. At the very least I’d expected to find one or two face restraints and strait-jackets.

I was probably just being judgmental.

After the initial picture settles in, I inspect the students individually, starting from one side.
What I see only strengthens my first observation: they don’t look deranged or delusional…a bit reserved maybe, but not at all extraordinary.

My gaze shifts from face to face – lingering here and there to scrutinize the occasional interesting feature or expression – until it rests on the face of the person sitting right next to me. I’m just about to analyze her before I realize –

She’s looking straight at me.

Or rather, she’s ogling at me with a pair of huge, sparkling, golden eyes. Mouth upturned in a jovial grin, she emanates an aura of childishness which is surprisingly befitting.

“Stalking people, are we?” She accuses sheepishly.

Waves and waves of glowing blonde hair stop me from formulating an organized response: my attention is completely captivated.

“W-what? I’m not stalking!” I deny feebly, “I was just looking around.”

She giggles at my flustered demeanor, and I find myself unable to look away. She is gorgeous; the most well proportioned features adorn her visage. Strands of gold twist and twirl about her face – it gives the odd but pleasant effect of flowing liquid, like a water fall, but golden. The stray wisps that fall over her eyes only add to that effect, complementing those gleaming, gilded orbs which peer at me eagerly.

“You’re not paying any attention to Fujiwara, are you?” She beams. Her joy is contagious; it rolls over me in overwhelming waves.

“It’s not my fault that I’d read all this before,” I say, trying to impress. My mind is slowly thawing, though it’s still taking a long time to process each thought.

“Nerd.”

Ouch. That hurt more than I would expect it to.
I struggle with words, trying to salvage what I can of my image.

She laughs her musical laugh, and I’m absolutely entranced.

“Really, boys are such fun~!”

I’m flabbergasted, bemused, tongue-tied; how can one girl have such an effect on me? She reads my face like a book, and an impish grin spreads across her face.

I can practically feel the blush forming on my cheeks.

“Someone’s embarrassed!” She says with glee.

“I-I’m not embarrassed… in any case, I’m not the type to get flustered by the likes of you!” I say in mock anger, “Might I ask why you aren’t paying attention to Mr. Fujiwara yourself?”

The girl lets out a nervous chuckle.

“Well… Forget that! I’m not that great at Co-ordinate Geometry anyway!” She laughs it off. Somehow I get the feeling that she’s not very good with studies as a whole. But I don’t let this opportunity to get on the offensive slip away.

“Really? Then what sort of Geometry ARE you good at?”

“Haha… well, you know… just this and that…”

“Can you even NAME the different sections of standard Geometry?”

“Of course I can!” She says indignantly. Her pouting looks amazingly cute.

“Fine, let’s hear them.”

She fidgets uncomfortably. Bingo, I got her where it hurts. Revenge!

“I bet you can’t even –”

“You’re so mean!” She frowns, and looks away.

I can’t help laughing at her sudden sullenness. It earns me a disapproving look from Fujiwara, so I quiet down right away. But my amused smile remains; it seems that the mystery girl doesn’t enjoy being on the other side of the table much.

The thought makes me realize: I don’t even know her name.

“Kazuma Nakamura, nice to meet you,” I say with a sideways smile.

She seems to consider not responding, but her up-beat nature gets the better of her.

“Saya Kubara. Can’t say it was very nice to meet you though.”

I let out a muffled laugh. She looks placated to some extent; humming quietly, she is the epitome of beauty.

Dimpled cheeks, deep, slanted eyes, and a petite nose – perfect proportions give her an angelic appearance; reflexively, I throw a glance at her head, half-expecting to find a halo floating there.

“You have to treat me to lunch,” she suddenly declares.

“Where did that come from?” I ask, genuinely surprised.

“Lunch. You have to treat me to lunch,” she repeats, “For being mean to me. Besides, you should be grateful – anyone would feel privileged to have lunch with such a pretty damsel like moi.”

“Whoever said anything about being pretty?” I grin at her.

“I’m not pretty?” She demands haughtily.

“I didn’t exactly say that, now did I? I only said –”

Fujiwara clears his throat loudly, glancing at our general direction. Saya and I suppress our laughter and settle down.

Time passes slowly; lunch break seems centuries away.

I reflect on the happenings of the day; the strawberry meeting and the honey encounter. Class continues in its solemn way, regardless of my mind wandering about the sunny grounds. I smile contently.

Thoughts – of cold nights, of dark accidents, of lost lives, and of scars – are left far behind, alone in some dark, gloomy corner of my subconsciousness.

And then the sound of the bell tears through me like a scythe.
One does not become grateful for breathing until one has to stop.

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Ravenous
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Re: Crimson Sonatas

Post by Ravenous »

And then John was a zombie.
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jarek56
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Re: Crimson Sonatas

Post by jarek56 »

That was...intriguing. I'll give you a far more in depth review tomorrow, but stellar work, Cynic! You're actually encouraging ME to write a particular fic I've been planning for...4 years. 5? ANYWAY, way to make an intriguing love triangle. ;)

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TheCynic
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Re: Crimson Sonatas

Post by TheCynic »

Next chapter in the series, set right after the last.

Sorry for the delayed posting.

Once again, any criticism, especially writing-wise, will be highly appreciated. And most importantly -

Enjoy!

The Cynic.


*-----------------*-----------------*

Chapter 3 : Afternoon Melody

Is it so different?

I look around the sparsely populated cafeteria, searching for a trace of yellow or gold. It doesn’t take long to find the outstretched arm waving at me, striving to get my attention. With two overloaded trays of food occupying both my hands, I awkwardly walk to the table near the corner.

“What took you so long?” The blonde girl inquires as I take a seat opposite to her. I drop the trays on the table with a decisive thud.

“Sorry for the tardiness, madam; it’s not like I’m paying for your meal or anything,” I say with heavy sarcasm. Saya giggles, her golden locks resonating with the sound of her voice.

“I saved us the best seat in the cafeteria! I love the view from this window. You can see the soccer field from here.”

I flinch a little. Soccer is a topic I’d rather avoid.

The gesture doesn’t go unnoticed; Saya tilts her head a little in contemplation and asks, “Anything I said?”

“No, it’s fine.”

She doesn’t pursue the topic. Instead, we drag our trays closer and start eating. For a while, only the sound of our silverware punctuates the silence. The food isn’t sub par, as I’d expected it to be. On the contrary, I’m enjoying the piece of bacon I’m nibbling. Another thing which is different from most schools, I suppose. They ensure that they provide the utmost care they can, for us ‘normal’ kids. I can’t help feeling that this only labels us further; the mere fact that this cafeteria doesn’t serve slosh-on-a-plate seems to scream, ‘this place isn’t normal!’ At least, that’s how it makes me feel.

“So what’s the deal with you?” Saya asks in a matter-of-fact voice, while fervently chewing on a piece of chicken.

Instantly, I tense up.

The reaction is so sudden that it takes me by surprise; it was a completely involuntary response to an apparently harmless question. What’s the deal with me? Whatever may be the deal with me? What did those words even mean?

“I’m sorry?” I ask, quite coldly, without meaning to. Saya’s silently staring right at me, with a sharp expression which looks very out of place on her otherwise innocent features.

“I asked – what’s the deal with you?”

“T-the deal? I don’t quite understand.”

She stares at me for a second more, with that same calculating expression. For a moment, she seems to consider something. Then suddenly she beams from ear to ear, her shoulders visibly relaxing, and says, “Yes, the deal, silly! Why were you checking out those girls in the front row? Pervert!”

“What?” I’m completely taken aback at the sudden shift in mood. Nevertheless, I grab the opportunity to steer away from the uneasy topic. “Who’re you calling a pervert? If anything, you should be called a free-loader; you’ve already started leaching off me, and I haven’t even been here for a whole day!”

“I’m too pretty to be a leech,” Saya says, making me laugh. She strikes a pose with the chicken clutched in her hand, which sends me rolling on the floor, clutching my sides. We joke and have fun for a while, forgetting the tense moment.

It’s probably my own discomfort which stops me from seeing the original question in Saya’s words. It’s also that very same discomfort which stops me from appreciating how beautifully she handled my uneasiness.

Bluntly put, this is a school for the mentally challenged. We’re all sick here, some more than others, and some more apparently than others. That’s why we’re here in the first place; regardless of the shiny hallways, the decorative classrooms, and the great cafeteria, our inner ‘problems’ cannot be denied. It can be disguised, veiled, or even suppressed to some extent.

But it cannot be denied.

We may all go along with this ‘normalcy’ in this carefully built up artificial community, but in the shadows of the night when our worst demons attack, we’re all the same – lunatics searching desperately for some nonexistent straw to clutch at. We’re in this drowning ship for good, the whole lot of us.

Including me. There’s also a definite reason for my being here, a definite ‘illness’ which chain me to every other student. It’s an understatement to say that it’s a sensitive topic.

It’s THE sensitive topic, that one thing in the world that you want to lock up in a box and bury deep in the ground where no one would find it. It’s no wonder that I’d reacted like that to Saya’s asking me what the ‘deal’ was, really. I don’t think I’ll ever be comfortable talking about it.

I’d rather forget that it exists. Or ignore it completely. If I tell myself often enough, I think I can convince even myself that I’m ‘normal’.

“So Mr. I’m-too-stuck-up-to-spend-a-buck-on-a-pretty-damsel, break’s almost up. Shouldn’t we head back?” Saya’s voice brings me out of my daze, and I find her looking at me with a sheepish grin.

“There’s still time. We’ve got about… twenty minutes, I think,” I say, glancing at my watch.

“Great! Let’s go sit somewhere then.”

“We ARE sitting somewhere.”

“ Somewhere else! There’s too many people here,” Saya pouts.

“There’s hardly anybody…” I point out when she grabs my sleeve and drags me towards the main doors.

“Come on! I’ll show you my favorite place.”

She pulls me along with her, striding down the corridor and up the stairs. We arrive at the third floor landing and I expect to make for our classroom, but Saya turns instead to the flight of stairs leading even further up. I halt for a second, confused, but then start scaling the steps to the fourth floor.

I climb the final step and find myself facing two corridors running in opposite directions. The fourth floor seems to be divided into two wings; one of them is for the club rooms, as is declared by the hanging plaque reading ‘Club Rooms’.

The other, I can only suppose, is for the Consultants’ Offices.

Saya doesn’t waste a breath; she glides down the corridor to the left, the one marked ‘Club Rooms’. I stand rooted to my spot, torn between two opposite paths. My eyes are fixated on the contents of the right wing.

I see the gloomy, silent corridor and the plain wooden doors lining its walls. It’s a bland picture, utterly ordinary in its entirety. Yet, it seems to send sinister vibes down my spine.

Flashes of sterilized halls and masked surgeons cloud my thoughts; instances of a dark night in the mountains, of derailed cars, of screeching tires, and of a blood-curling scream play a psychedelic vision in my mind.

“Are you coming?” Saya asks from behind.

Slowly, I turn around. My constricted breathing eases up a little.

“Yeah, I’m right behind you.”

I expect her to ask, “What was that about?” But she doesn’t; she gives me a sideways look, and moves on.

“Well come on, then. The break’ll be over soon.”

Saya walks on, with me at her heels. She rounds a few corners, and stops in front of a door without a label.

“Is this it?” I ask.

“Yep!”

“What is this?”

“Open the door and see.”

Hesitantly, I twist the knob and open the door. It’s a small room with a few chairs propped up against the far wall; there’s a shelf hung up beside a large window, filled with random art equipment. A table is set at the center of the room, with an unfinished painting spread to dry on top of it. The only other noticeable detail is a small door set into the wall by the window.

“An art supply room. You really have great taste,” I say sarcastically. Saya chuckles.

“This was really a multipurpose storage room for all the clubs, but my friend Rima took it over to use it as the art club’s own storage. She’s the President of the Art Club. I’ll introduce you to her some time. But no, this isn’t my favorite place.”

“Will we get to your special place some time within this century, madam?”

Saya pouts in mock outrage.

“Hold your horses! Go through that door over there.”

“That small one? It looks like a fire escape or something.”

“Well about that…” she smiles sheepishly.

“It IS a fire escape, isn’t it!”

This gets her laughing. She nudges me forward, and I start to open the door.

“And behind door number three…” I mutter while it creaks open.

Light streams into the tiny room in bright shafts as it swings open. The sight that meets me is breath taking; the door leads to a narrow veranda on the fourth floor, which is barely wide enough for one person to stand on. The white concrete railing is more artistic than it is protective; it’s very easy to slip out through the large, gaping holes between its pillars.

And that’s exactly what Saya does: she slips two feet out through the open railings and dangles them four stories above ground, sitting on the narrow ledge, leaning back on her arms. Her head tilts up to look at mine, and her eyes gesture me to take a seat.

The invitation is hard to put down.

I mimic Saya’s actions, cautiously lowering myself to sit on the ledge with my feet dangling forty feet in the air. One wrong move and it’s a long drop to certain death; at least I’ll get plenty of time to say my good byes.

We sit side by side, looking out to the grounds below. I can see all the way to the nearby town in the next hill. It’s the afternoon, the sun is cruising low, and the warmth is comfortable. The atmosphere is perfect; I can see why this is Saya’s favorite place.

“So where are you from?” Saya asks without looking at me. I’m looking at a few students sitting under an oak tree below us, and I reply without taking my eyes off them.

“Akina. My mother is a dentist.”

“And you’re dad?”

I start to tense up. It must show on my face, because Saya immediately adds, “It’s alright, Kazuma. You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

I remain quiet for a while, frowning at one of the boys sneaking up on a girl from behind the oak tree. The gears in my head are whirring like crazy; I’m not sure whether I want to go down this lane of memories.

“My dad… was a journalist. He had to travel all over and cover those dangerous war incidents.”

Saya turns to see my face, and I return her gaze. She has a poker face on; it’s impossible to tell what she’s thinking.

“I’m… sorry to hear that.”

So she noticed the past tense. ‘My dad was a journalist…’

“It’s…not an easy subject for me,” I admit with a troubled expression.

Saya turns to the grounds below, looking at the students grouped in tiny clusters here and there. We sit in silence for a while, just enjoying our view.

“What school are you from? Before this place, I mean?” She breaks the silence.

“Kishimoto High school. But that was a while ago; I’d left about two years back, in my first year.”

“Kishimoto… I think I’ve heard of it. It’s a pretty big school, isn’t it?”

“It’s pretty big, yeah. Not as immense as Toyomina though.”

“Not as sinister either,” Saya chuckles. I laugh with her.

“No, I suppose not.”

“I’ve been here for a while now, so this is like my home now. Since middle school, actually. It’s been five years. The place has really grown on me.”

“Five years?” I ask disbelievingly. What problem does she have that didn’t let her go to a normal school?

“It sounds like a very long time, doesn’t it? But in truth, I didn’t even notice the last four years passing by. It’s always the first few months that are torturing. I can imagine how this must feel for you; it’s like a walking into a prison for the first time. Everything looks hostile, every person looks like a potential threat.”

“It’s not really that intense a feeling… but I suppose it’s pretty close. This place feels so new, so different.”

“That’s the point. It IS different. It’s always going to be different. If you kid yourself for even a moment that this place is normal, life’s going to show you the truth the hard way. But that’s the beauty of it – this community, these students, these people trying to find a home with each other, trying to find a place to fit in – these things make the trouble worth it. I’ve seen it myself, how this place has made a difference for some people,” Saya says. Her feet are swinging in rhythm, brushing past my own at intervals. The sense of touch is comforting.

“But still, there’s a lot of darkness, alright. The most horrible experience at Toyomina is the night. I wanted to warn you beforehand; you’re going to find out for yourself tonight, but it’s good to know beforehand,” she continues.

“Why? What’s wrong with the nights?”

Saya’s been here for five years, so this is not new to her. Still, she grimaces as she answers, “The screaming starts. The walls of the dormitories are made sound proof – but you can still hear the screaming. We’ve all got our demons, I guess.”

We both go quiet, the horrible picture forming vividly in our minds. The thought brings bile to my throat. But screaming’s really not very new to me…

“It’s okay; I think I can handle it. I’ve heard my fair share of screaming this past year in the hospital,” I smile at Saya. She raises her eyebrows questioningly, but doesn’t voice her inquiry. “Yes, I was at a hospital. A mental hospital no less, but I suppose that’s pretty obvious from my being at this school. But I’m not crazy,” I laugh, “I don’t bite or anything. Wait – you don’t bite, do you?” I ask, half-joking.

“Wanna come closer and find out?” She teases. We both laugh, the air lightening up a bit. “So aren’t you going to ask me?”

I look at her, puzzled.

“Ask you what?”

“What the deal is with me?”

We look at each other in silence for a few moments, as I ponder whether to infringe on her privacy like that.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

Saya giggles.

“It’s alright. I’m at peace with my illness,” she makes a Zen-meditation imitation which makes me keel over with laughter. I almost fall over, which makes me laugh harder.

“Okay, if you say so. What’s the deal with you, Saya Kubara?” I say while wiping off a tear.

“I’m paranoid!” She laughs.

“What, you mean as in, paranoia the disease?”

“Exactly. I’m paranoid as hell. You should see me on one of my bad days,” she giggles, “I’d probably scream for you to stay a mile away from me. It’s not as bad as it used to be before; at least it doesn’t affect me all the time now.”

“Is that… why you had to leave middle school and enroll here?”

“Yeah. I was always a bit paranoid, more than most kids of that age. My folks didn’t worry much about it, till I did something stupid one day. I pushed a boy out through a window on the first floor, because he wanted to borrow a pencil. It was during one of those really bad days, and I kept thinking, ‘he’s going to kill me with that pencil’. So I retaliated; I pushed him backwards, he stumbled, and fell ten feet. Broke a few bones, but didn’t die. Thankfully. One thing followed another, trips to the doctors ensued, and then voila! I find myself here.”

Saya says all this with a wide grin.

“I’m so sorry, Saya…” I say apologetically.

“Nothing to be sorry about, silly! It’s not your fault; it’s no one’s fault. Just immense bad luck, I guess,” she chuckles, “Initially, it got worse. I was always jumpy, always scared, always frightened. I didn’t let anyone get close. I actually did bite a few of the doctors,” she laughs. “But slowly and gradually things got better. I learned to sift through my thoughts. I learned to shove those paranoid ones aside. They’re still with me; I just know how to ignore them now. Even then there are those days when they all attack at the same time. Sometimes a random, mundane event can trigger an attack, and I go into ‘danger mode’. As much as I wish it wasn’t so, you’ll probably get to witness those attacks from time to time.”

My throat starts to constrict; I know a thing or two about mental ‘attacks’. After all, I’m a mental patient as well; however I may want to deny it. And I have seen my fair share of ‘attacks’ at the hospital.

Saya continues, “All I ask is that when you see me that way, imagine me as I am now, not as I would be then. Imagine me sitting on this ledge and dangling my feet in the air.”

She smiles serenely at me. I return her smile.

“Will do.”

“Now that I told you something of myself…” She begins impishly.

Instantly I tense up again. I am NOT ready to talk about my illness.

“You have to tell me… what was it, back then in the cafeteria, that made you cringe like that? When I mentioned the soccer field?”

I let out a sigh of relief; Saya isn’t that insensitive, apparently. She’s giving me my space, not forcing me to say anything about my illness that I don’t want to.

“You noticed that?”

“Of course, any idiot with a brain would have noticed it.”

“Which is why I had my doubts…” I tease, earning myself a playful slap on the arm.

“Be serious! What was it?”

I begin slowly, frowning a little as the thoughts come to the surface.

“I was a very good soccer player, before all this happened. I used to play fall back, but I could double as a winger or attacking midfielder if needed. But after… ‘this’, I left playing. For good. It’s a sore topic, really.”

Saya considers her next sentence carefully, wondering whether it’s too straightforward or not.

“Why didn’t you go back to playing?” She asks eventually.

“I did try going back. About a year back, during a short leave from the hospital, I met up with my old team mates and tried a game. But half-way through… stuff happened. I lost control, fell awkwardly, and injured my knee. It was a meniscus tear. Now I can’t play anymore: it never healed completely.”

Saya looks at me apologetically, so I smile to reassure her.

“It’s alright, though. I’ve taken up other hobbies,” I beam. “I’m just a little sad that I never got back to it. Every time I see a soccer field or hear about people playing, it sends a tiny pang of longing–” the muffled sound of the lunch-bell drifts up from far below, while I’m speaking, “–through my heart. Look at that; we’re late. Think we can still make it? I don’t want to make a bad impression on the first day of class,” I grin.

“Nerd,” Saya laughs, “Afraid of skipping class?”

I grab her shoulder and pretend to jerk her off the balcony, which makes her scream a little in surprise.

My sides hurt from laughing, and Saya pouts at me indignantly.

“Is that how you treat a lady, Kazu?” She demands. I grin in reply. She strains to keep the smile away, trying to maintain an outraged expression, but that only results in me laughing harder at her pathetic attempts. She can’t stop herself; a beautiful smile breaks across her face.

The girl really is pretty. ‘If only she wasn’t psychotic,’ I joke to myself.

“So shall we go?” I ask, rising up. She grabs my hand to support herself up. Her touch is warm, and strangely comforting; I don’t want to let go.

“Lead the way, slave!” Saya commands with a grin.

We talk and laugh as we make our way back to class. Thankfully, the teacher is yet to arrive when we reach the door. Before we go in, Saya turns to me and says, “Thanks for the free lunch, Kazuma. I had fun!”

“Yeah, I had fun too,” I reply with a smile. She throws me a pleased look, and goes to take her seat. I start walking over to my seat as well.

Maybe this place won’t be so bad. I’ve barely spent a few hours here, and already I’ve met a few interesting people. As I get to know others, I’ll probably come across other such interesting students. Slowly I’ll start to fit in; I’ll start to find my place in this system.

After all, we’re all lunatics in here. Who else to provide you company than your own kind? Only those who go through the same thing as you do appreciate the difficulty of your situation; only they can really understand you. Besides, other than the obvious reliance on medical support, how is this place any different from other schools?

The people are accommodative, the staff is caring, the dorms are neat and clean, and the food is great – most students would feel privileged to be here! The community seems nice too.

But there is the obvious problem that separates us from others – that of ourselves. We are our own greatest enemy. The battle we fight is with ourselves.

Is it so different?

Maybe not. It’s like any other society, like any other school. The people here are like any other people out there in the ‘normal’ world. They live like them, talk like them, and behave like them.

Except.









They’re different.
One does not become grateful for breathing until one has to stop.

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Ravenous
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Re: Crimson Sonatas

Post by Ravenous »

Apart from some odd word usage, your writing is improving. Keep it up.
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jarek56
Posts: 432
Joined: Sat Apr 21, 2012 10:35 pm
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Re: Crimson Sonatas

Post by jarek56 »

Excellently done, Cynic. Just...a damn good pleasure to read. I can't put my finger on it, but you're writing IS improving. Subtly...it reads smoother, no typos that I can see. You're moving the plot along well, giving excellent HINTS, but not ANSWERS, and you've definitely snagged my intention. Damn, Cynic, you just...get me attached. Nice work, mah boi.

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TheCynic
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Re: Crimson Sonatas

Post by TheCynic »

Good to hear Raven.


Glad you liked it jarek :D

I tried a few different things to make it more realistic, and to give it a 'subtle' sense of suspense :P
I'll probably upload new chapters from time to time - do read them, okay?

:)
One does not become grateful for breathing until one has to stop.

jarek56
Posts: 432
Joined: Sat Apr 21, 2012 10:35 pm
Location: Somewhere in the hills of Washington...

Re: Crimson Sonatas

Post by jarek56 »

TheCynic wrote:Good to hear Raven.


Glad you liked it jarek :D

I tried a few different things to make it more realistic, and to give it a 'subtle' sense of suspense :P
I'll probably upload new chapters from time to time - do read them, okay?

:)
Da hell else do you think I'm gonna do with my bitching on Alabaster's latest news post? Become a channer? (lololololololololololo9lolilololilo9lijpoljhbjdfkjhlkhkdhg)

Shit. Fell asleep at the keyboard again...in class no less.

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