HEAT (horrible title for horrible writing)

[KRiZ831]

I read through the dev blog entirely and I thought of what possible plots they may come up with. I tried to nap and thought up a story. its gonna have spelling and grammer errors and I wont spell check any of it unless I seriously consider making this a project I'd stick to.
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"We have to!.."
"AGHhh!"
----
'smoke?'
My heart dropped at the smell.
"fuck!"
The smell disappears as i realize my surroundings.
'where am I?.... oh yea Abuella's house'
I peel the sweat soaked blanket off my body and stand from the bed.
'Its still dark outside.... was i dreaming? problaby that nightmare again.'
I take my long strides to the bedroom window, stareing at the streets below.
'Vienna is so different from..'
I catch myself before I go down down that thought process.
'Vienna is my new home now'
i stare at the ceiling and ponder the structure of the apartment building.
'All brick means it cant burn as easily'
I look over my shoulder towards the alarm clock.
'Hey Three Fifty Nine. The alarm is gonna ring soon so ill just get the morning routine started.... yeahhh gotta get used to early morning stuff.'
I flip on the light just as the alarm clock sounds, playing my favorite spanish artist.
'Oh prince royce, your voice makes me consider going gay buuuuuuuuuuut guys dont have boobs so I can't make you my husband'
I dance a bit to wake up my sleepy self.
"Te me vas duh dun dun duh duh dah dah"
I shake my hips a bit as I dance
' I still got moves but Kevin was still better than ill ever be'
I shake my head at those thoughts.
'they wouldnt want me depressed so i cant harp on that stuff.'
I stare at the full length mirror while scratching my crotch. I look directly at my eyes intently.
"Your getting better and you WON'T stop getting better"
I smile smugly and look myself over the rest of my body.
" You sexy fuck"
'it's true i'm not bad on the eyes at all. I stand above 6 feet tall and pretty athletic but im still lanky. If I wore a sweater nobody would notice my semi-toned body.'
"All that farm work back in the Island did some good on me at least"
I get changed into my favorite bummy shorts and and shirt. I head towards the bedroom door but remember
"My iPod!"
I hurry and grab the thing under my pillow and plug the 'phones in my ears.
'im still not used to the design of these European buildings but they are more space saving'
I ninja my to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water but as i put my handle on the fridge....
"Jesus you don't understand the meaning of a good night's rest"
I turn abruptly.
"A-Abuella? what are you doing up this early?
"your giant butt *yawn* cant walk on these old floors without the whole building groaning"
I frown at that
"Im not heavy at all remember? you always force feed me your strange ass food"
"Donavan! language!"
I shift my weight to the other leg and scowl while averting my gaze from her eyes
"everybody curses Abuella"
she gives me a look
"Not my baby" she says while opening up her arms and walking towards me.
'my spider senses are tingling! My personal space is in danger'!
I glance down.
'An opening!'
I smile sweetly and open my arms to 'embrace' her. she smiles even more now.
'NOW!'
In a near fluid motion I duck under her arms and hurry to the front door.
"Ooooh Donny you dont love your poor old aunty do you?"
I pause before exiting the apartment.
"your only Thirty something!" I yell before closing the door and running down the stairs. Upon going outside I stretch and turn on my iPod to prepare for my morning run.
'Hmmm what should I listen to?'
I scroll through seemingly endless music collection and pause on a particular song.
'breakway by kelly clarkson... hmmm'
I look around and crack a stupid smile.
'nobody else is gonna know so ms. clarkson take me away you wonderful songstress you'
I zone out as begin my run. so much has happened in the past year and almost all of it depressing.
'My Abuella has done so much for me since the accident but she has to realize im her family before im her patient'
I furrow my brow and run faster, ignoring the stares of people looking at the 'foreiner'.
'She never treated me like a kid before but now all she does is baby me like im just gonna have an episode at any moment'
I max the volume when daft punk begin their intro
'at least she dosen't force the medication on me anymore. I remember the arguments we used to have... I hate making her cry'
I slow down in front of an old fashion iron wrought gate that oozez pretentiousness.
'St.Dymphna* academy...... A school for crazies and retards..... Im not a drooling idiot, i dont need to go here'
I breath heavily and grip the bars of the gate tightly.
'I can beat this this thing! I cant imagine starting school here... I wont have to imagine long since my first day is tomorow....'
I let go of the bars and listen as the next song plays and smile. its an all piano instrumental of the opening of 'AngelBeats!'. It calms me.
"Post Tramatic Stress Disorder huh?"
The words taste bad so I collect my drool and spit and the fine brickwork belonging to the academy.
'Sounds too formal and impersonal'
I begin to Jog back at a slower pace.
'I'll beat this'
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so yea i wrote that all in one go and i dont know i may continue but i might not i do have an outline in my head of where this story would go.
i dont always write a story but when i do i misspell at akward moments, stay sexy my friends.

[KRiZ831]

Iv'e woken up this morning in an incredibly good mood as I had a dream! A dream filled with me taking writting seriously as a hobby and continueing this! I still wont check over my work and I plan on writing a story i'd never read before but would have liked to read. This includes humor and fanservice for guys and ladies. Anyways im just writing for fun but tell me how ya'll feel about the way I write and its execution.
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I turn down the volume on the iPod as I reach my front door after my run. I glance to my right as the glare from a newly risen sun gleams off a silver bike. I smile at the sight.

'David's bike so I guess hes finished with my uniform'

I head up the stairs and open up the door to the apartment.

"Yoh im home"

I take in the sight of David and my Abuella cooking breakfast. David speaks up first.

"Hey Donny I tailored your school uniform to fit your tall self and can you fix your hair up? Its like you like your bed head hair sticking up everywhere" my aunt agrees "yea why dont you grow out your hair like when you were younger? its barely at your past your ears now"

I take a seat at the table and wipe my sweaty face with a towel.

"long hair isn't my thing besides not everyone has time to spend hours on their hair like some people" I say pointedly at David.

David flips his black/red chin length hair out of his eyes and smiles smugly

"Pretty takes time and I have a reputation at school to maintain" he says as he yet again flips his hair. I scowl at the subject of school.

"Do those crazies actually care about looks?"

David shrugs at my comment and replies his usual reply whenever I talk about the academy and hands me breakfast.

"Hey were crazies too" he says while invading invading my personal space with his hand on my cheek and continues. " And we like regular stuff too right hun?"

I shrug out of his reach and lean away from him

"Yea I get it and dont touch me like that, I dont swing that way dude"

My aunt sits down at the table with her plate of food and looks at me less than pleased at my words.

"Donny how are you gonna make any friends if you dont have any respect for the students?" she pouts at me like a child. seriously she looks like my cousin more than my aunt.

Between munches of some damn good bacon I manage a few words. "I have David, he already goes to the school.* munch * Thats all the friends I need"

David pours us some weird tasting juice and sits down aswell. "Now Donny how are you gonna meet and do 'this and that' with a guy or girl if you dont get rid of that mean face?"

I give David my best 'what are you talking about?' look. "Again im not into dudes and what do you mean 'this and that'?"

He gives me the same look I gave him. "you know what I mean its Fooly Cooly!" He states rather excitedly while somehow doing an akward pelvic thrust in his chair.

"......Right. Can we just eat before Abuella has to go to the school's staff orientation?"

My Aunt and David nod and we begin to eat in silence. I contemplate how my life has changed so much in almost a year. I look at my family and remember how David came into my life. while David isnt blood he was adopted from an orphanage by my aunt's deceased friend who died in the same car accident as my Aunt's husband a few years back. I Met david back when I visited my Abuella when I was 8 and always came back every summer since. It was fun back then the 3 of us, Me, David, and.... my Brother.... I didn't figure out David was gay till I came to live with my aunt after the accident back in november. I didnt care, he was still my one and only friend. my aunt's the only women who he would let touch him and even then its wise if she asks permisssion first. David stands about 5 foot 4 and is the prettiest of pretty boys, always on about fashion and music so underground ive problaby never heard of it before. Still hes pretty good at video games and always picks 'the cutety-est character' while he kicks my ass. He was born in romania but is only slightly tanner than most and he has those weird eyes that arent quite green or blue or brown.

Then we have my Aunt who looks so pale it dosen't even look like she is related to me. Shes pretty short and dosent even look like she is past the age 25. Shes the type to keep boring habits like wearing that brown cardigan and drinking all natural fruit juice. shes had the same long puffy/wavy black hair like i used to have for years, the one family similarity have. my aunt is the epitemy of a mo'e character most of the time unless she goes all professional therapist mode. when shes like that she likes to put on glasses which she dosent need, I guess good eyes are something else we share. Her eyes are green just like her sister's while mine are the darkest of brown possible.

And last we have myself.... there isnt much to say about me 'cept my height and my skin (as David likes to call it deliciously brown). My hair is black but lots of gray/white hair is peppered all around it. My....... Mom...... had grey hair early too.... but it looked so pretty on her. she said that her hair turned white completely when she was 22....

I sigh and finish up eating and see that they have finished up too. I stand to clear the table and wash the dishes. My aunt says her goodbyes as she heads out the door.

" Hey Donny! wanna come with me to the music store today? Theres a new BOTDF CD out today."

I look over my shoulder from washing dishes and comtemplate if I should even ask what mediocre band hes into now.

"sure"

[KRiZ831]

So the above was added and yea this story isnt going to be a one shot anymore and as you might have guessed its gonna be an OC story not involving any of the VN's characters. althougth they may make quick appearances. but if ya'll like my D- writting let me know. (seriously english was my worst subject in school). I loved the concept and premise of missing stars so much that i wanted to write a haiku or a poem about it and ended up writing a story instead. Oh and if ya'll think i can improve in ANY way in writing let me know cause i'm always looking to change my D- writing into D+ writing. And if you just plain dislike my writing feel free to flame because then your only affirming my horrible writing skills. Music will be a huge thing in this story and i listened to a cover of kanye west's runaway in punk goes pop vol.4 while writing the last part if your interested.

[KRiZ831]

Another addition to my crappy titled story and I like the pace I go at while writing. I mean I can type out about 4000 words in about 30 minutes so I don't think it'll be a problem if I add another part to the story almost everyday. I know some musicians who can't look over lyrics once they've written or it comes out worse than what than it was intended. Unfiltered expression. So I will continue to not edit anything. (Not that I'm an artist at this)
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"Wake up! Please wake up!"

'What's all that noise? Dante? What's that smell?'

"Donovan WAKE UUUUUUP!"
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I gently open my eyes while sprawled out all over this tiny bed and twitch my eyes to gaze at the bright red light in my room. My eyes widen at the blurry image and I rub the tiredness from them. I calm as clarity and focus let's me stare at the old alarm clock with red numbers shining through my intentionally dark room.

'Safe....... 5:59 A.M.' I continue to stare at the clock trying to guess at which song will play today. 'I bet it'll be an instrumental' the alarm sounds and the intro begins.

'Hmmm can't tell so far.... ah! Its the live performance of Bruno mars performing Valerie during that Amy winehouse tribute '

I roll out of bed and do about 10 minutes of calisthenics before I hear a knock at the bedroom door.

"Just a sec I'm not decent!" I wrap my blanket around my near naked body like a kid on Saturday mornings. " okay come in "

My aunt peaks at the edge of the door shyly as if she might see something on accident

" awww you look like a kid all wrapped up but anyways I just wanna let you know I'm gonna head to the school early and David is coming here from the dorms in a few to show you the way to school"

I walk towards the light switch and flip it on. The light is too bright and I squint my eyes to try and look at the general direction of my aunt.

"I already know how to get there, I ran to the gate yesterday "

She leans against the doorway and smiles her near permanent smile. "If you got out the house at all this summer I wouldn't think you'd need a guide"

"Well I don't mind David taking me to be honest I didn't want to go alone anyways"

She pulls out her 'reading' glasses and begins cleaning the lenses on her cardigan. " is that something we need to talk about Donovan ?"

I lay out a uniform from the closet on my just made bed taking a pause in giving her an answer.

"We.... don't need to do that right now.... only on Thursdays remember?" I smile to let her know it isn't anything important. " its just a bit of nervousness"

"Well that's good and if anything happens come find me at school and we could talk annnnnd....." she pauses seeming nervous herself about something. " I've got a present for you in honor of your first day in a school. Real school. Not that little school house back on the island"

I'm honestly shocked and I'm sure my face shows it " a g-gift? You know I don't like presents...."

She interrupts me with determination " hush up! This is more for my peace of mind for me than a present for you" she pulls out a simple blue phone " its nothing fancy but it is in your favorite color and it already has Davids and my number"

I grumble out a thanks and she places the phone next to the alarm clock and turns to leave "well I'll see you around 5, I have some patients after school" I nod and wave as she closes my door

Upon abuellas exit I grab a fresh towel and head to the bathroom. I begin my routine of shit, shower and brushing my pearly whites. I exit a very steamy bathroom in a towel and palm tree boxers and see David sitting legs crossed at the edge of my bed holding a brown paper bag.

" I brought you your favorite breakfast of fried diabetes" he shakes the bag with emphasis.

" now I guess this morning isn't gonna be too bad if I get my sweets" I say as I crack a goofy grin and stick a leg in my uniform pants

He stands and picks up my new phone " ahhh so she gave it to you already, she's been meaning to do that"

I put on the school jacket and fumble with the tie. David stands and fixes it for me with a gentle smile. "There you go and are you gonna fix your hair?"

I frown embarrassedly as he had to correct my tie " I'm gonna put my hat on, do they allow hats in school?"

"Well everyone disobeys school uniform policy but its best not to wear it" he messes up my hair and hugs me " I know your nervous and upset about this school but this school will be good for you. It helped me didn't it?"

'as usual he can see right through me' I hug him back in this very common bro-mance moment "thanks I hope we have this same class"

He lets go first "come on let's head to school before we are late" he hands me the bag of awesome deliciousness and heads out the room. I grab my iPod from under my pillow and plug them in my ears.

"Well time waits for no man" and with that I left my room and head outside. I see unlocking his bike and motioning towards the seat in an inviting manner.

"You lazy fuck whenever I'm around you always wanna make me do all the work"

He shrugs off my words "well I'm weak as hell and I prefer big strong men to do all the work"

I sigh and take up the seat and he sits daintily above the back wheel.

"Go forth my good man! Upward and onward! We have two more years of the best time of our lives!"

"Your excited about school. what's so great about it? I mean We aren't normal people. were gonna be under the supervision of all these head doctors and they probably gonna treat us like retards assuming we are to stupid to understand anything."

David gripped my right shoulder to brace himself as I pedaled on ages old cobblestone streets. Thankfully he remembered to avoid my left side. " I think you don't understand what this school is about Donny."

"Oh I know what its about they want to make as socially acceptable in society as they can"

I can hear him adjust our breakfast on his lap and paused in his response. "Well.... I think you've got a part of it right but your wrong about us not being normal and some of the newer teachers think we aren't capable of anything but.... they made me better didn't they?

I glance back at him and wonder about what he just said. "How can you deal with all those females there?"

He squeezes my shoulder just a little bit more and I worry for a bit that I may have asked too much.

"Donny...... I just pretend they are all guys and as...... as long as none of them touch me of them touch me I'm fine"

I take a moment to think about how long he's had to deal with his trauma. In fact I met him not long after his adoption. That look in his eyes didn't belong on an 8 year old and I never understood that look till last November..... its the same look I saw in the mirror everyday.

"Hey... David... I'm sorry"

"Its nothing... now hurry it up were almost there"
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I felt as though that addition didn't flow that well and there wasn't enough natural conversation as I try to do. Well that's the kind of quality you get for a 20 minute splurge of crappy writing.

[KRiZ831]

What's up guys its the wannabe writer KRiZ831 with another instalment of HEAT and I'm probably gonna change the title soon since its sucks. I also have someone I can bounce ideas off of and possibly edit this for me if he proves competent enough..... let's call him "the man" I'm sure he would appreciate that name.
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*click* David locks up the bike outside the ridiculously ritzy school gate while I gaze upon the overwhelming amount of students heading through said gate.

'I've never seen so many people in one place before and is that chick wearing a mouth restraint? Does she bite at the teachers or something?' I shiver at the thought.

David seems unfazed at the number of students 'I guess he's used to this sort of thing' I look at the students some more and if I focus I could see some guy twitching, whether that was from excitement or habit I'd never know.

"Is it too late to ask to be home schooled?" David nudges me towards the main building and begins walking ahead of me.

"Ah what kind of attitude is that to have? I thought you promised to look at this positively?" He says over his shoulder and I take my long strides to catch up to him.

"I don't remember making any promise especially one that I know I can't keep"

David waves at a few people as he passes by them 'I guess he's a pretty well known guy'

"Hey Donny you might wanna check which homeroom your at. The list should be on the bulletin board right inside as soon as you enter those doors." He gestures like a butler towards some doors attached to what looks like the main building.

"I'll be off then since I have the same homeroom as last year. Cha'o" he waves over his shoulder and begins walking away leaving me standing alone in a sea of strangers.

I blast my iPod since I don't need to keep it low to listen if David was speaking. 'Another piece by enigma I think it was titled no turning back...kinda fitting'

I drown out the sounds of these unknown faces and head inside to check out the list David mentioned.

'Donovan Avilez..... Avilez..... so If its alphabetical it should be on top.....' I trace my finger upwards on the rather tall list.

"Ah there it is room... i105.... I105?... how many rooms are in this place if they are numbered with letters?!"

I take a step back and begin walking inside in a random direction assuming my amazing navigational skills will lead the way. As I walk through the halls I can't help but feel like everyone is looking at me, no doubt wondering who's the foreigner with weird hair and tanned skin. Eventually my gamble on my useful abilities pays off and I see the sign for my homeroom down the hall.

I pause at the door entrance and take a deep breath 'all right Donny you've got this. you've survived much worse. All I have to do is not draw attention to myself'

With confidence gained by a really awesome guitar solo playing in my ear I open the door and to my surprise I see David talking to some guy I'd swear was in the mafia.

"¡¿David qué Diablo estás hacienso aqui?!" I pull out my head phones quickly from my excitement. David sits up with a look that I think is confusion and excitement.

"Calm down and speak English dude, the only thing I understood from the was my name"

"Sorry I'm just excited that I at least know somebody here" I sit in the desk directly in front of David and notice the room doesn't look like it was designed to have a lot of students like I thought. Only about 15 desks.

"So Donny I'd like you to meet this lovable bear" he tilts his head towards the possible mafia guy.

"Nice to meet you, the name is Tony" I stand and grasp his extended hand in greeting.

I noticed his Italian accent and am almost worried that I may have been correct in his mafia affiliation. I size him up just because I never know if he'd start any issues in the future. He's a bit shorter than me and I notice he had a couple rings on the hand I grasped. This guy is pretty husky but I guess his height thins him out, still It doesn't look like he'd say no to a Burger. His hair is slicked back but doesn't shine with too much grease so I guess he just combs it. His skin is the same as Davids but all in all I think I could take him if need be.

"Donny stop using 'mean look' on tony he'd never hurt a fly.... unless you talk bad about women."

I don't quite relax at those words so I decide to question him a bit.

"So tony how'd you meet David? Since your both so buddy buddy"

He smiles and folds his arms over his chest "I met this prissy guy in cooking class last year. Me and him were the only guys in the joint. We were paired up because he didn't wanna gut a fish and I'm pretty handy with a knife if you know what I mean."

David looks as if he was covered in bugs " well if your gonna name the mackerel how am I supposed to cut it? especially if the critter was starring into my soul"

"Well that sure sounds like David.... and cooking class? Pardon my asking but..... do you play on the same team David" I'm not sure if asking was appropriate or not but I'm too interested in the truth to care.

Tony coughs out a hearty laugh that he seems like he uses constantly. "Look at this guy already with the jokes. You sure know how to pick friends Dave but in all seriousness I love the ladies"

"And the ladies love their tony bear" David interjects revealing a pretty funny nickname.

Tony waves dismissively at David "I ain't got much luck with the ladies but if Dave here comes out the closet and admits he likes girls he could get any chick he wants"

"Oh please as if I'd ever have feelings for something that always bleeds and never dies"

Tony yet again let's out a huge laugh and its infectious, me and David find ourselves laughing with him. David in his feminine way and me conservatively.

"Hey Donny keep that seat in front of Dave I have a real good feeling about yous guys this year. I can tell were gonna have a ball."

Alright so I'm warming up to this tony guy and I guess I shouldn't have judged him on his intimidating appearance especially since I'm pretty intimidating myself.

"Yea sure thing man I'll keep this seat" I find myself getting even more comfortable in my seat.

Tony settles down in a seat to Davids left, right next to a window. " hey Donny do you smoke? I mean your voice sounds like a 40 year old country star not to mention your hairs all turning grey too"

I tense and shake slightly. I grab at a few strands of my hair behind my ear pull gently " I-I was i-in a accident..." David speaks up worried since he knows 'smoke' is one of my trigger words.

"Donny doesn't smoke, he uh got into an accident that affected his respiratory stuff" I don't look at either of them instead I just look towards the door where the rest of the students are trickling in.

"Hey Donny my man I'm sorry I didn't know"

"Don't..... don't worry about its nothing.... really" I glance back to let him know that no harm was done. We don't say anything more after that just waiting for class to start. I glance up at the clock not noticing when someone stops at my desk.

"Fuck are you doing in my seat?" I look up then downwards to accommodate for the speakers height. Its a short girl with a cute pouting face in a boys uniform. Her grey eyes starring at me intently. I guess she's trying to scare me.

" 'scuse me? " I ask trying to look as aloof as possible, if she's gonna yell at me I'm not gonna let her get a rise out a me.

"You heard me funny face, your sitting in my seat"

I make it apparent that I'm not moving even going as far as taking off my jacket and hanging it on the back off my seat.
The girl is positively fuming and I know I'm getting to her. I take an interest in her weird haircut.

"Hey Blondie what's with the lesbian haircut you've got going on? its shorter than mine. You've got a really nice face. If you grew out your hair you'd look really pretty."

She's blushing hard. I don't think I've ever seen anyone get that red before. She looks like she about to speak but thinks it over and looks over to my left.

" hey Val is this guy real?" She looks like a mixture of angry and unsure.

' is this girl serious? Of course I'm real. Why wouldn't I be?' I also look over to my left and see a beautiful girl about to take the seat in front of Tony. She looks up at Blondie and smiles with a slight nod. Blondie nods back and looks a little relieved.

"My hair?! What's up with your hair aren't you a little old to be in school?" She acts like she could possibly offend me on something that David constantly rags on me about. I decide I like the way she looks when flustered and throw her off again.

"Hey Blondie you look pretty cute when you pout like that, why don't you tell me your name and if you want I'd be more than happy to share this seat with you" I give my biggest shit eating grin as I wink at her.

I hear Tony's distinctive laugh. " Hey Kat it looks like you've your match with the new guy."

'Huh her name is Kat.... it definitely fits'

Kat shakes a fist at Tony " shut it tubby this is between me and the foreign guy"

I smile at my best flirty face. Hopefully I don't look weird trying this. "So sigues hablando así que sólo mi va a provocar más. Esto mi exicita."

Tony laughs and kat looks confused. She points at him threateningly. "What did he say. What did you say fucker" she says the last part at me.

Tony shrugs and deflects her anger. "I only got an idea of what he said but you don't wanna know, it'll just make you angrier."

David picks this time to speak up "you did call him a foreigner I guess now he's acting like it. Silly girl can't even control her temper"

She walks up to David and points at him too, I guess she never learned that its rude to do that.

"This is all your fault pretty boy, you let funny face here take my seat when you know I sat here for the past 2 years!"

David waves her off dismissively. I'm surprised he's not freaking out with how close she's getting.

"His name is Donovan. You should learn the names of guys that call you pretty especially since few guys can appreciate your..... unique charms."

She looks like she's gonna go off again when the 'Val' girl decides to finally control her friend before she does something she regrets. "Katherine dear? Why don't you take my seat? It has a wonderful view of the outside and I know you've always wanted it."

"But Valerie its the pri-" shes cut off as the teacher walks into class silencing all conversation. She gives gives me the stink eye as she takes Valerie's seat on my left and Valerie sits in the seat directly in front of me on the first row. When the Valerie girl takes her seat I notice she's doing everything very deliberately, taking every thing out of her bag in a very particular order and neatly setting it on her desk.... 'weird'.....

I check her out like any guy would because well.... I'm a guy with a normal hormones and stuff.... like a guy... anyways she's pretty tall about as tall as tony with light brown curly hair that goes down her back. I'm not sure but I think she has blue eyes and she had an accent I couldn't recognize at all. She's curvyer than the average girl but not by a lot. I look over at Katherine and blow a kiss at her just to tease he a little bit more. She appropriately responds by giving me the finger with her slender hands. 'Don't get mad at me because your flat as a board'. I roll up my sleeves and take up a relaxed position and leave a head phone hanging over my ear.

I don't really pay any attention to the teacher other than learning that her name Ms. Rachelson but she seems nice. My thoughts are interrupted by David tapping me on my shoulder and pointing towards the front of the class. I look forward and find the teacher looking at me expectantly.

"Um did I uh... did I miss something Ms.?"

"As I was saying since your the only new addition to the class this year I was thinking you should introduce yourself..... that's only if you want to Mr... Ah-vie-less?" She motions towards the front and I leave my seat to stand next to her. I look out to my classmates and analyze all of them for any droolers and twitchys but I don't find any. I clear my throat so I don't embarrass my self if my voice were to crack and stick my hands I'm my pockets. I look over at David and see him making motions for me to smile. I make an extra effort to appear unfriendly now.

" My name is Donovan aviles (Ah-vee-lez)..... and there isn't much to say really"

After a couple seconds of akward silence David yells out "what about your hobbies and where your from" I loosen my tie and scowl at him. I hear a couple of mummers of agreement and ms. Rachelson let's me know to continue my introduction.

" Alright then... I'm from the Santo Domingo in the carribean and I like music and I dance a bit...." I say no more I'd rather not have people coming up to me trying to be friendly with me. The teacher waits a couple ticks but when she realises I'll say no more, she begins clapping, the class joins in as well but I make way back to my seat before they finish.

Tony gives me a thumbs up and I consider getting to know him since he seems like a pretty cool guy and doesn't seem crazy at all... matter of fact why is he here? Would it rude to ask or do people like sharing their disorders like pokéman cards here? Ok that was pretty insensitive joke but still does it work like a date where you have to get to know the person and give them gifts so they'll reveal their back story? That seems more accurate except for the gifts part.

'This school is almost like I expected but not as many people are obviously crazy just subtlety so. Its sort of a relief and kinda makes it a little more interesting. Are all the students actually trying to work out their problems or are they pretending to act normal? Isn't that the same thing? And how did they end up here? Their parents probably sent the 'problem' child to some institution to either get them out of the picture or maybe some actually did care about their child's mental wellbeing. Most are probably the former....... why am I having these depressing ass thoughts?'


I'm not really the type to think the hard thoughts. I'd rather just have my head empty and filled with music. I prop my head on my hand I look towards the window and let my mind wander on random things like how they make oreos and how sunny the sky is today. I hear the other students moving around and chairs shuffling. Snapping back into focus I confirm what my ears told me.

" hey space cadet its time for lunch, did you have it with you?" I look back to see David with a plastic container and a silver spoon.

"I didn't bring any with me, I was thinking I could get something from the vending machines or something" while I'm checking my pocket change tony bangs his desk against David's.

"Nonsense I ain't letting my new buddy eat some junk food for a meal" tony pulls out a freaking huge cooler out of nowhere and it makes quite a thud when he sets it on his desk. He pulls out some awesome looking pastas and bread sticks. I grin in excitement.

"Well Lets eats!"
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Well I had to end it a bit abruptly because I was in a bit of a rush but hopefully whoever reads this enjoys it. Also I actually edited this chapter :0 I know shocking anyways till next time.

[TonyTwoFingers]

Howdy doo! Sorry I haven't spoken much to you since you've arrived, and it's always nice to see people contributing their own stuff.

Here's a couple things that I would recommend to improve your writing (or anyone's writing, really). This is all personal opinion, so feel free to disregard at your whim.
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1. Mix up sentence length! Simple and concise can be a great way to make things feel like a quick progression of events, but shouldn't be used exclusively. Sprinkle some longer sentences throughout your works - it'll keep the reader more involved!

2. Don't feel like you have to start a sentence with the subject! Sometimes, it can be refreshing to mix around the order of parts of speech in a sentence. That's one of the cool things about language - you can say the same thing in a multitude of different ways. For example, which is a more interesting sentence: "I chased the dog to the park, even though I hated it." or "Chasing the dog to the park was not something I loved doing." Both sentences tell the same story, but in different ways. Mix and match, play around.

3. Write your style of dialogue differently between characters. This can be tricky, and is still difficult a ways down the writing line. Think about the relationship between the characters. Two characters that know each other well will be quite informal more often than not, whereas two characters that have never met may try to be more formal. However, this also depends on who's doing the speaking. A quiet character might have sparse sentences, but is concise with his/her words - trying to get out of conversation as fast as possible. A chatterbox may speak in short sentences, but in rapid succession. Here's an example.
(Person): "Hey Quiet Character, how are you doing today?"
(Quiet Character): "I'm well, thank you for asking."

(Person): "Hey Chatterbox, how're you feeling?"
(Chatterbox): "Hey Person! I'm feeling great! How about you? Not falling apart, I hope? Not like leprosy falling apart, though. You know what I mean!"

4. Don't feel like you have to $5 words. Sometimes, the best way to describe something is simply. Case in point.

5. A tip for writing dialogue (again) - I like to make my dialogue much less concise than the rest of my prose. Make characters hem and haw, but don't be wishy-washy in non-dialogue. "Natural dialogue" is natural because it's in the heat of the moment, there isn't always time to get your thoughts in order. So sometimes it's okay to write dialogue as though in the heat of the moment. On the other hand, write the rest of your prose with careful thought. You have time when writing: use it!

6.Seriously, re-read your work. I know, it's not fun. I didn't used to do it either. But you know what? Rough drafts are almost always shot full of holes. You may not notice them while writing, but odds are, they're there. Sometimes, you'll have a flash of inspiration and want to add something while re-reading. And that's good too! I saw you have someone looking over your work now - awesome! That being said, don't let him do all of your job for you! Two heads are better than one, but in the end, it's your writing you're putting out there, not his. He can and should read it, but so should you! MULTIPLE TIMES!

7. KEEP WRITING! Like any activity, the best way to get better at writing is to practice.

8. Don't feel obligated to force something out ever x-number of days. I just learned this one myself. If you feel rushed, you'll compromise your work. And believe me, quantity does not make up for quality. Take your time, write carefully and consciously.

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And that's all I've got for now. Keep writing, and I'll keep checking in on you. Keep it up!

[KRiZ831]

thanks for the advice i really have a bunch to improve on and the more I write this story the more I care for it and want to make it the best it can be. it was like a dog to me. I started cause I thought It would be fun and then I spent time on it and have grown to love it and want to see it grow. I dont want put something out everyday and sacrifice quality anymore. thank you again especially on the dialouge tips. its something ive been struggling with so much and I just want it to be as natural as possible.