While I'm here...

[Zezin]

I don't know how many people heard my brief explanation about my special role at my school in some other threads but anyway.
I have Aspergers and I've spent many years coping with it and handling it. I am now a Junior in highschool and this year's freshman have quite a few kids "afflicted" with Aspegers.I hate the term "afflicted" it's not an affliction it's a disorder.

Anyway I've been helping freshman with Aspergers cope with it and integrate into highschool. I honestly just didn't want them having to do it alone like I did.
Then the social worker at my school noticed and asked me if I would help certain kids if she gave me "A+ credits" towards my scholarship. I would've said yes either way but ever since I've been spending time with other students that are having a hard time socializing with other kids.

The whole idea of this is that kids with Aspergers would probably rather listen to a peer who has the same disability.
Now to the reason I'm even talking about this.

I have recently been assigned a kid that I'm not entirely sure how to help. But I won't give up on him Even if I wanted to I'd be losing A+ Credits
I'm not officially a teacher or anything so I'm not bound by any laws to keep quiet about a kid so I thought I'd ask my questions in a place where there are already people with various disorders and see if anyone knows how I should handle my latest "case"

The student is a Freshman
He has little to no social capability. Some of his habits are things I had or have dealt with or kids with them, but others are completely alien to me. Which is why I'm not sure how to go about them. But he is also incredibly intelligent with academics. Which is normal for Aspergers students to be.

Here's what I already know:
He tends to pick his nose in public (easy fix)
He can't stand loud sounds (neither can I)
He speaks WAY louder than he should (just needs some monitoring)
Doesn't grasp the concept of "personal space" (also just needs monitoring)

How he dresses. He needs shorts that go past his knees. If he doesn't, either people will think his parents dress him (which they do) or they will think he's homosexual. There's nothing wrong with that but it's an easy way to get made fun of.

Here's the one's I'm not sure how to deal with:

He uses uncommon words that stick out and make a conversation awkward. This is almost universal for everyone with Aspergers, and I usually can work with it. But he can't seem to grasp why he shouldn't use "fancy words" like "detest" or "gluttony". He's incredibly stubborn on that but if he doesn't want to seem like an asshole he's going to need to stop that.

He eats grass when he's angry. You did not misread that. He eats, grass. He says occupying his mouth calms him down. I thought to myself "BUT WHY GRASS!?" I plan on buying him gum and giving it to him next monday. I'll probably ask the social worker if she can get them to put in chewing gum into his special permissions in his IEP. But I'm not sure if i have that kind of influence yet. But he says he can't stand it when gum loses its flavor so but I can't fix that can I?

"Just let me finish picking my nose" He says that when he's asked a question. When the social worker told me about him saying that I thought "What else does he say?" See that's the sort of thing that will RUIN any reputation he may have. Kids have been taunting him over that one. Which is something I hold myself back from fixing "physically" Which leads me to my next problem.

Bullied. Now every other Aspergers kid will have to deal with bullies. But there is a reason it's so important them time. He's sensitive and now he won't come to school unless I call him. Seriously I walk into the SSD room every morning just to hear the Social Worker talking to him, trying to convince him to come to school and eventually she just hands the phone to me and I talk to him and usually I have better luck talking him into it. This is the biggest problem. It's begging to even get on my nerves. But his parents thank me personally for convincing him to get out of bed.

I probably said all this like I'm older than I am but.. just ignore that. I also said it like I'm some kind of miracle worker, I'm not.

[scopedknife]

I can't say I can really give you any advice... but I can certainly say that, if all this is true, you are an excellent human being.
Also, I don't think there's anything wrong with 'detest' or 'gluttony'. I use words like that and I don't have any disorders (as far as I'm aware... unless phobias count?). Sure it might associate him with a certain crowd, but better to be in a certain crowd than completely alone right? Well, circumstances, priorities etc etc... Anyway I'm not the best person for advice on this subject ^^"

[Waytfm]

I think all I can really do here is wish you luck. I don't have any experience dealing with asperger's. So, keeping in mind I'm speaking from a position of total ignorance, the only real thing I see is for you to just keep doing what you're doing. Some things, like the use of 'fancy' words, don't sound like things that will change anytime soon. So I guess just being there for him might be the most you can do. Sorry I don't have anything better to say.

[jarek56]

Zezin, let me start by saying that, honestly, I can't offer any advice. Your situation is so different from mine, so unique, that I can not really offer any comment here. Nothing constructive....but I'll try. You asked a very personal question for help, and I will give you my best. Be warned, I know you don't like walls of text...but this is gonna be one. To keep this manageable, I will hide the paragraphs for you to open at your leisure.

You are, first and foremost, not a miracle worker, and it is unfair to classify you as one. You are a human being, and great and awesome one who I admire, but admit to yourself that, sadly, there are things you will not be able to do, and it won't be because you are incapable, it is because you are human, and humans can NOT do everything. Never forget what kind of a person you are, the most incredible person of all. Zezin, you are a truly good human being, and I say this because you deserve to hear it for the rest of your life for what you do. So what that it's for A+ Credits?! All the better that you do such good for reward! Don't even mention that to yourself; if that's the LEAST of your compensation for your time, consider it honestly earned. No one will ever, or should ever DARE, say a word against you for it.

Now, I will address the issues in order as you have given them. Beginning paragraph management.

1st: Social capability;

Hidden: Show

Every day you talk to him, work with him, hang out with him, are near him, you are teaching him. Such capability will take TIME, my friend. I myself suffered from ADHD, and thanks to my hyperactivity, I really had NO friends for much of my early school life, and became severely stunted in social development. I am 21 years old, and to this day I still work on social ques, proper interaction with people, and not being an arrogant ass. Admittedly, I was abused for much of my developmental childhood and had a long, unpleasant custody war fought for me, but that's besides the point. Frankly, Zezin, there's only so much you can do, but I figure that the more you talk to other people in front of him where he can see and watch, the more examples of how to properly interact with others you give him. If he watches, he learns.

2nd: Nose-picking:

Hidden: Show

That's easy, as you said and have likely thought of, just watch him for it, tell him why it's not good, and work with him gently. Time, gentle encouragement, and consistency will do wonders here. Try and rope his teachers and ESPECIALLY parents into this. I cannot stress this enough. You want success with this boy, his parents are UTTERLY INDISPENSIBLE to your effort. You need their help, as he is with them the most time and can interact with him in ways that you, Zezin, can't.

3rd: Loud Noises:

Hidden: Show

I hate them myself, though probably not in the same way. :? Just work with him about how to stay calm, how to react to sudden noises, and the like. I suggest gently exposing him to noises in a safe place to get him acclimated, and warn him of it. Ask your teacher for help, and again, his parents. Sadly, this just doesn't seem like something you'll really never "fix", and frankly, unless it is a serious impediment to his behavior, work, and happiness/sanity, it's not too big an issue. Just help him with it, and make sure he knows when you're trying to help him with it, and when you're not; that way, he doesn't think you're torturing him.

4th: Speaking way too loudly:

Hidden: Show

Again, that's easy stuff. Same thing as for nose-picking.

5th: Personal Space:

Hidden: Show

Ditto.

6th: Dressing:

Hidden: Show

Just give his parents some pointers, this one's gonna...take a while to sink in. Talk to him as best you can about it, but from what you tell me he may just...not care or not understand, and this is no fault of his own. This'll take time. You know what women say about us men, do we EVER know how to dress ourselves? :lol:

7th: Grass Eating:

Hidden: Show

This sounds like a...very odd coping mechanism. As strange as this is, it [i]probably[/i] won't be much harder to change this habit to one that is more socially acceptable and, more importantly by far, more sanitary and healthy. He doesn't know where that grass has been...who it's been with...what it's been EATING (shudders). Gum's a good idea. Is he familiar with gumballs, flavored lozenges (cough drops or unmedicated candy in case his parents don't want the menthol), or "atomic fireballs" (cinnamon flavored hard candy balls)? Those shouldn't lose any taste until they simply dissolve in his mouth, if the Social Worker approves.

Still with me Zezin? I know, man, this is quite fatiguing to read, but hang with me, we're nearly there.

8th: Funny words (missed this, heh!):

Hidden: Show

Frankly, such words make him sound educated and intelligent, but it's probably one of the harder issues to deal with. It's easy to miss, clumsy to correct, and not that important. I know you want to help him, but his word choice, unless it's getting him physically assualted, should be the lesser concern here, in my opinion. That you're so sensitive to his happiness speaks volumes about your personal character, Zezin, and for that you are an amazing guy. You can work with this in a similar manner as to Nose Picking or the like, but I don't think it's that big of a deal.

9th: Odd responses:

Hidden: Show

I think you need more information before addressing this. It may be a stress response? Not sure...

10th: Bullying, and problems with it.:

Hidden: Show

This, my friend, is the hardest issue to deal with. While you're with him, you can help, but any bullying is hard to deal with, and with kids suffering from a disorder of some kind, it is expotenially more difficult. While you're with him, I imagine he's quite safe, but you can't be with him everywhere...his parents can help him find responses, and you can teach him how to avoid offering a target or such, but I'm not so good with this. My response was to give most people the big middle finger and go off to my own world, reading, playing videogames, and becoming a total nerd to avoid social ostracization by ignoring most of my school. I simply chose with care who I hung out with, and got lucky to find relatively decent friends. With him...I just don't know, Zezin. It was so easy for me to bunker up. I don't know what to tell you.

Made it? I'm sorry, Zezin, I really wanted to give you my best answer. Keep in mind that I have NO experience in dealing with Asperger's, so none of this may work at all. Good luck, man, and godspeed.

[Zezin]

You are, first and foremost, not a miracle worker, and it is unfair to classify you as one.

That's exactly what I said. I WISH I was a miracle worker. But as I stated I am not one.
As for the rest of the reply I thank you for putting enough time to put your opinion in each one of the problems.

I enjoy the feedback every opinion counts.
I just want to see how much I can do to make highschool easier on him. He's in all gifted honors classes. He deserves better treatment than what his peers are giving him.

I had to handle the bullying alone with no one to help me, no one deserves to experience what happened to me. That's why I am so dedicated to this. (I have a good way of making it sappy don't I?)

I am going to be there for him. But I am worried I'm looking at future suicide victim.

[Malkav]

I've read through this, but... one thing bothers me. HOW are they bullying him? What are their reasons? What do they call him as they bully him? If you have a good list of what their "problems" with him are, perhaps you can use that to your advantage. Though in all honesty, having been on the receiving end of a shit-ton of bullying from grade-school to just before high school, I'd just as soon suggest you "fix" the problems with a very large rock. That's what I almost did, anyway. Oh, and try asking faculty to discretely observe others' behavior around him. Perhaps their intervention will also assist (though only if their intervention is genuine).

EDIT: In all seriousness, please do not use large rocks. Murdering even a scumbag brat is not the kind of thing you want to do to ruin your legal record (and, by proxy, your life).

[Zezin]

I've read through this, but... one thing bothers me. HOW are they bullying him? What are their reasons? What do they call him as they bully him?

I don't like pressing topics like that. I don't want him shutting down on me.
EDIT: Also if it is anything like how I was bullied it wouldn't be easy to describe.

Oh, and try asking faculty to discretely observe others' behavior around him. Perhaps their intervention will also assist (though only if their intervention is genuine).

I can't even remember one time they lived up to "We have no tolerance for bullying" I still feel like getting my therapist to report them to the state.

[TheLastMelody]

Well, Zezin, I agree with Jarek on the good person part and some of his answers. I was like the boy you mentioned, Aspergers, picking my nose (now reduced to whenever people aren't looking), no social capability/skills (still don't have any), eating grass and concentrates for cows (the one for horses tasted nasty), my choice of words are what others call wierd, speaking to loud, my parent's dressed me because, well just because (never had a choice in the matter), personal space wasn't even in my dictionary and I was bullied, ALOT...

Now,
His choice of words is not an issue at all, UNLESS it causes him to be bullied, rejected, etc. etc.

Loud noises is just as Jarek said (no guarantee, but likely ^_^)

Speaking to loud is easily countered, just tell him that he is speaking to loud, may take some time, but it will most likely sink in

Eating grass, for me, it just disappeared along the way, don't know how or why, so I cant help you there

About the picking nose thing, try to tell him to not do it in front of others, then when that has sunk in, I don't know what to do, since i still pick my nose ^_^"

And the bullied part, we NEED to know how he is bullied and how he takes it for it to be possible to help with that one, because bullying is such an individual issue, there is no universal answer to it ^_^

And does he WANT to have his parent's dress him, or does he want to choose his clothes himself?

And when you say "doesn't grasp the concept of personal space" what do you mean? Like, what does he do to make it seem like that?

Please keep in mind that he is another individual, and each individual has different personalities.

[jarek56]

Well, Zezin, I agree with Jarek on the good person part and some of his answers. I was like the boy you mentioned, Aspergers, picking my nose (now reduced to whenever people aren't looking), no social capability/skills (still don't have any), eating grass and concentrates for cows (the one for horses tasted nasty), my choice of words are what others call wierd, speaking to loud, my parent's dressed me because, well just because (never had a choice in the matter), personal space wasn't even in my dictionary and I was bullied, ALOT...

Now,
His choice of words is not an issue at all, UNLESS it causes him to be bullied, rejected, etc. etc.

Loud noises is just as Jarek said (no guarantee, but likely ^_^)

Speaking to loud is easily countered, just tell him that he is speaking to loud, may take some time, but it will most likely sink in

Eating grass, for me, it just disappeared along the way, don't know how or why, so I cant help you there

About the picking nose thing, try to tell him to not do it in front of others, then when that has sunk in, I don't know what to do, since i still pick my nose ^_^"

And the bullied part, we NEED to know how he is bullied and how he takes it for it to be possible to help with that one, because bullying is such an individual issue, there is no universal answer to it ^_^

And does he WANT to have his parent's dress him, or does he want to choose his clothes himself?

And when you say "doesn't grasp the concept of personal space" what do you mean? Like, what does he do to make it seem like that?

Please keep in mind that he is another individual, and each individual has different personalities.

Aww, shucks. Them's kind words, Melody.

We DO need more info on the bullying, Zezin, as this is the greatest worry we seem to have. If you can't get it, then don't! Trust YOUR instincts, Zezin. It is you who are with him, teaching him, helping him, befriending him. Do what you feel is right.

Melody and Malkav have wise words. Listen to them. Come on, Forum-goers of Somnova, let's hear your ideas too.

[Ravenous]

I agree in that the details of the bullying very much need to be divulged. Both parties play a role in bullying. What, how, and why are important questions in this matter to prevent it in the future.

[Zezin]

What truly upsets me the most about the kids bullying him is the fact that they chose the weakest person to pick on. Choose someone who could at least TRY to defend themselves from all the teasing and torment. Or better yet don't pick on anyone at all. But picking on the Autistic kid is just pathetic and weak.

[jarek56]

Of course it is, Zezin. That's why they do it. ALMOST all bullies are cowards at heart, desperately seeking power over others to make themselves feel less vulnerable, or take out their negative feelings on those too weak or incapable to stop it.

They are pathetic, selfish, inhuman shitheads, Zezin, but never forget that they are also people, with human weakness and failings. There is not, nor will there ever be, and excuse for their bastardry. But you cannot let yourself be hurt anymore than you can help. I know, Zezin, in a way that is NOT yours. It is not right to see such foulness and cowardly malice, and feel unable to stop it.

But by being his friend, you are, in a real way that can never be stated strongly enough, being a source of strength for this boy. Zezin, you're a great person, and good one and noble, who faces a tragedy as old as civilization. There is evil, it is pointless, and there isn't much you can do about it. I think I speak for all of us here when I say that we KNOW you're a good, simple person, and that we believe in you. You ever need a friend, you talk to me, man. I'm here most of the day anyway, so I might as well feel a bit better about wasting hours here.

[TheLastMelody]

Of course it is, Zezin. That's why they do it. ALMOST all bullies are cowards at heart, desperately seeking power over others to make themselves feel less vulnerable, or take out their negative feelings on those too weak or incapable to stop it.

They are pathetic, selfish, inhuman shitheads, Zezin, but never forget that they are also people, with human weakness and failings. There is not, nor will there ever be, and excuse for their bastardry. But you cannot let yourself be hurt anymore than you can help. I know, Zezin, in a way that is NOT yours. It is not right to see such foulness and cowardly malice, and feel unable to stop it.

But by being his friend, you are, in a real way that can never be stated strongly enough, being a source of strength for this boy. Zezin, you're a great person, and good one and noble, who faces a tragedy as old as civilization. There is evil, it is pointless, and there isn't much you can do about it. I think I speak for all of us here when I say that we KNOW you're a good, simple person, and that we believe in you. You ever need a friend, you talk to me, man. I'm here most of the day anyway, so I might as well feel a bit better about wasting hours here. :lol:

Jarek, you say me and Malkav speaks wise words, what about you then? ^_^

[jarek56]

So, Zezin. It's been a little while since you asked us this question. Have you had a chance to implement any of this? Anything working out, or any changes to the situation?

[Zezin]

So, Zezin. It's been a little while since you asked us this question. Have you had a chance to implement any of this? Anything working out, or any changes to the situation?

He doesn't need me to call him anymore, he comes to school on his own. I gave him the gum but I'm not sure if he used it. He claims kids are beginning to leave him alone but I think he just wanted to drop the subject. Kids don't just drop it like that. Also he asked if he could hang out at my house this weekend. Honestly I am a VERY solitary person but I couldn't just say no. So I guess I'll be seeing him sometime this weekend

Now I am chipping away at his ambitions, his future goals are completely unlikely and somewhat ridiculous. I am trying to subtlety convince him to plan for a more practical future career.

[Ravenous]

Leave his ambitions intact. Better to shoot for the stars and land on the moon than to aim for the treetops and land in the mud.

[Zezin]

Better to shoot for the stars and land on the moon than to aim for the treetops and land in the mud.

I gotta write that down.

[TheLastMelody]

I agree with Ravenous. Better die trying than dying regretting never trying.

[jarek56]

Better to shoot for the stars and land on the moon than to aim for the treetops and land in the mud.

I gotta write that down.

You're sticking with it this far, you shouldn't beat yourself up. You're trying to help him. Just a little advice from the rest of us. I think you should encourage him to pursue his dreams, but keep some realistic goals in mind, know what I mean? Hope and fight for the best, and plan for the rest.