IRL Mental Disorders/Problems That YOU Have

[insert_name_here92]

Major depressive disorder, the "common cold of mental disorders." I've learned to live with it at this point, but honestly? It can be a real burden many times. I panic over tiny inconsequential things, which in turn have a tendency to make me sad for no reason, and there are days where I just don't feel like getting out of bed. Believe it or not, I'm actually doing much better now than I was several months ago (I'm seeing a shrink, getting anti-depressants, etc.). One of the best things my disease has done for me is that confronting it has brought me much closer to my friends and family and has made my relationships all the stronger, because I use it to show people that they're not alone, and in turn, they show that they're here for me. In a lot of ways, all-encompassing depression is one of the best things that ever happened to me! (Not really. Not at all.)

Also, when I tell people about it, I tend to make light of it in conversation. Here's the story which I tell whenever I tell someone I have it, in order to make them understand it better:

One day, I was in bed. I felt crushingly heavy, like a giant weight was on my chest. But then, a thought seized me. "No," I said to myself. "Today, I will not stew in my self-loathing. You know what I'll do? I'm going to get up, brush my teeth, and grab a bagel. BECAUSE I'M WORTH IT!" In my mind, the big dramatic John Williams music was playing behind me as I slowly inched my way to the sink, took one look at my toothbrush and toothpaste and said, "Fuck it, too much effort." And crawled back under the covers.

[Anomalous]

Histrionic Personality Disorder and OCD

Also, not a personality disorder, but being Neurological, it's technically a mental disorder- Tourette's Syndrome.

[MrBackpack]

I have OCD and color synesthesia.

[durhal]

Major Depressive Disorder, I suppose I'm able to live with it, some days are better than others.
I also tend to extremely over think things, even the little things, I usually think about the bad aspects of something, and rarely the good aspects.
Also, I don't know if this counts, but I'm extremely shy, and I can't really ask anyone out because I over think about it, well I think about the negatives, and by the time I've finished thinking about the negatives, I've already made up my mind and see no point in thinking about the positives.

[Homeless]

Post traumatic stress disorder, social anxiety as well a bad drinking habit. (KS kicked my ass and made me go get help)

[SemiPolish]

Post traumatic stress disorder, social anxiety as well a bad drinking habit. (KS kicked my ass and made me go get help)

Aye, I've been seeing KS forcing people to take a look at their lives from a different angle quite a bit, especially among the friends that I turned on to KS. What wonders a simple visual novel can do...

[TheLastMelody]

Post traumatic stress disorder, social anxiety as well a bad drinking habit. (KS kicked my ass and made me go get help)

Aye, I've been seeing KS forcing people to take a look at their lives from a different angle quite a bit, especially among the friends that I turned on to KS. What wonders a simple visual novel can do...

Whoa whoa whoa
That was no "simple visual novel", that was a MASTERPIECE cointaining the FEELINGS of it's devs. There is nothing that can touch a heart more than a piece written by hearts.

[notop]

Post traumatic stress disorder, social anxiety as well a bad drinking habit. (KS kicked my ass and made me go get help)

Aye, I've been seeing KS forcing people to take a look at their lives from a different angle quite a bit, especially among the friends that I turned on to KS. What wonders a simple visual novel can do...

Whoa whoa whoa
That was no "simple visual novel", that was a MASTERPIECE cointaining the FEELINGS of it's devs. There is nothing that can touch a heart more than a piece written by hearts.

Yes. To all of this. Just yes.

And Homeless, I know how you feel, to a degree. After I finished Hanako's route I hardly talked for days. I started to turn into Hanako. It was weird.
But I guess since I'm posting here, I should probably talk about what I may or may not have.
I believe I have OCD, though it comes in phases. I probably have some very mild Dyslexia, since I'll occasionally read things backwards, or say very obvious numbers backwards (e.g. It's 25:10 pm.) My head isn't working very well right now, it's slowing down in it's function so I can't seem to remember all of the other quirks I have...

OH YEAH! I forget things. A lot. I'm not exactly sure if that's related, but I forget things a lot more than the average person forgets things. It's pretty irritating.

[jarek56]

Hello, there, friends! It seems that, indeed, I am not alone in my diagnosis of having ADHD in my youth. I'm 21 years old now, and don't suffer from it too much now. That, or more likely I've simply found ways to properly cope with it. I had to take pills (Ritalin, curse the drug) to counteract what I believe to be serious issues with not being able to focus in life. I believed that it was found as early as age...3? 4? I don't remember. Got a not so great memory, but that's probably more to do with my strange way of thinking and remembering information than any particular mental disability. Damn, my problems are TAME compared to many here. But self-deprecation is not the answer here.

I had incredible difficulty focusing in elementary school. Even with the pills, I couldn't focus. I'd use any and EVERY item or object at my disposal to entertain myself in class. It got so bad that I was not allowed to even have calculators or pencil sharpeners because I would stage (and MAKE THE SOUND EFFECTS FOR, LOUDLY) Space Ship battles. Yep, Sci-Fi space battles. I was a menace. ... I did NOT make friends easily at the time, but then, I was perfectly content with myself. I had (and still very much do) an honestly over-active imagination, taking bits and pieces of every source of fiction I saw, and making a composite fictional world inside my head, of great wars and noble causes; evil and compentent villians and stalwart, grim heroes (who many times were not so easily seperated in their ways); and as ALWAYS, focusing on sci-fi and military themes.

At this point, I'm hiding the larger part of my post, both because it's FUCKING LONG, and because the subject I now move onto, I KNOW, can be deeply upsetting to a lot of people. I know we're all big kids here, but still, I like to be sensitive. Or at least pretend to myself that I am so I don't feel like TOO much of a sarcastic asshole. Not that what comes next is really all that funny at all. I've never really told this story to anyone on the web. Damn, I like this place.

Oh, did I mention that I suffered from child abuse for a good 4 years in elementary school, whilst deep in the grip of this very strong ADHD? Yeah, my mom was...an angry person, and beat the shit out of me for it. With objects, tools, what have you. And her hands, of course.

As you can well imagine, this severely exacerbated an already pronounced difficulty in learning and socializing. I became withdrawn and self-centered, and developed...g_d this is hard to say, sociopathic tendencies because of it. I was totally focused on me, surviving day after day of isolation, mockery from classmates, and a VERY nasty divorce between my parents. How funny...my father was the hero of this tale, an honest, hardworking man who served in the Navy (20 years, and retired a Lieutenant-Commander), but due to...unique viewpoints of 1990s Maryland law, was deemed the unfit parent, since as EVERYONE KNOWS the children BELONG with their mothers. So, severe ADHD, child abuse, and divorce problems. Damn, I'm a positive dysfunction-junction.

It gets better. As a result of this abuse, socialization difficulties, and mental issues, I became...desperate. I began, at 8 no less, to seriously contemplate suicide. I beat my head against books, walls, and my bare fists whenever I failed for being so stupid (as I was told by my mother). I began telling teachers, summer camp workers, anyone that I wanted to kill myself. I named ways to do it. Mother did NOT appreciate this, and I felt her wrath for it. Then, one day, I heard that the elementary school counselor was holding lunch-time meetings for kids that wanted to talk about problems they had. It's obvious that this was for bullying or other, relatively common grade school problems, but to me, it was the chance I needed to ask for help. I can still remember the looks of confusion on the faces of my peers as I listed the daily horrors my mother inflicted upon me, my problems with students, and my lonliness, with the Counselor and 4 to 6 other students eating lunch in the room. Now, as the school counselor was present at these little chats and heard these EXTREME alarm signals from a minor, you'd have expected her to immediately report this to the school and even the police. I KNOW now that that is what is supposed to happen.

As you can probably tell from my sarcasm and bitterness, this basic act of humanity that could have saved me and my little sister (she suffered too, oh yes) from this nightmare of a life...never happened. No...my counselor did, not the right thing, but the PROPER thing.

She told Mom. In court, it was revealed that she never informed ANY of the proper channels about these major danger signs, and instead reported everything to my mom. I began wondering why, as she beat me again and again in her rages, she was learning about what I told my counselor. I really WAS betrayed by the system. Funny...I'm not sure why I actually trust it now.

Maybe it's because the System, when finally called to act, really DID kick some ass and send me to my loving, understanding, noble father. Yes. I idealize him. He is, I my mind, the best man I have ever known. He kept me going, always recording what I told him, always encouraging, fighting, loving me. But the story, I feel, must go on.

To cope with my lonliness, my wretched state, I began...talking to myself. I literally started acting out, when in private, whole dramatic affairs of fictional characters talking to each other. I was well aware of the fact that they weren't real. But I was...so...fucking...BORED. I needed an outlet. Something that didn't hit me, mock me, or fail to have any effect in helping me. Ritalin, by the way, only succedded in killing my appetite, so I grew thin and bony too. When I met videogames, it was love at first sight. I couldn't stop playing pokemon, playstation...finally, something that I could challenge, and fight. Embody all those awesome wars and characters in my mind, and let me set my own world. I was, probably, addicted psychologically. But give me a break. I was 10. Every healthy 10 year old can't keep his hands of his damn gaming system.

But going on, eventually, after years of fighting, recording, and testifying, my father and stepmother (a wonderful woman who was EVERYTHING a mother should be, and even perfect as a stepmother) won custody of my sister, and myself. What followed (and continues to this day) was over a decade of...recovery. I would flinch in fear if my father moved too quickly to me. I could still barely make friends (until my last year in elementary school, I can say quite objectively I really DID NOT have any friends. I certainly didn't believe I had any.), was still suffering from ADHD (now better controlled) with personally alarming sociopathic traits (if I didn't give a shit, I DIDN'T GIVE A SHIT. I'm still scared of my middle school self), and wound up developing socially far slower than my classmates.
Now though, things are different. I haven't taken any pills since 7th grade (one day I just...forgot to take them, could focus perfectly well in class without em, and never used them again.), I have a perfectly normal mind and conscience (a personal development that took years of philosophy, personal reflection, and hard work on empathy, but SO VERY MUCH WORTH IT), and haven't seen my mother for over 4 years. My ADHD is still probably affecting me, but honestly? It's no longer the nightmare I couldn't even see, or then the excuse I fell back upon. At any rate, it no longer affects me, though I STILL need background noise, activity involving my hands, or something to help me focus a bit more. I'd say I'm cured, but was it really the disorder that screwed me? Did ADHD really make me sick? Regardless...my over long (HOLEYSHITHISFUCKINLONG) story is over. I can't believe I found someplace so...inspiring and...accepting to write about this. I can't believe that somebody, anybody, is accepting the challenge of presenting something like Mental Disability in such a light as Missing Stars. And doing so, so far, with such class, dignity, and open-mindedness.

Thank you...all of you for reading this long-ass shit. Trust me, it won't happen again. I just...want people to see my side of the looking glass, as it were. But then, given the kind of crowd we've got here (can I include myself as a part of this group and call us "we" ? Can I?! Please!? ), it's certain that you already did. Don't need ME telling you all how awesome you are. Still...godspeed, Somnova. And everyone who cares to read this madness of a post. I'm always here to talk. PLEASE, I LONELY HERE ON DE INTERNETS!!!

[Leotrak]

... Well, I've been around a while anyway, so might as well do this, too... I won't be going on for as long as Jarek, though Still, I'm making it lengthy, so I'll hide it >_>

I suppose I could say I've always been a bit of a special case. For instance, I first smiled weeks before I was "supposed to" as a baby, and when I learned to read, I pretty much started to devour books (though, that's probably not -that- special, all things considered). But it was in my third year of elementary school (age 7, Dutch schoolsystem counts kindergarten as years 1 and 2) when my parents received a first clue that I might not fit the norms. My teacher at the time (who is still my favorite teacher EVER) was a woman who was by then already closing in on retirement. She was strict, but fair, and I usually had a lot of fun in her classes. I particularly remember one time when she brought a piece of beehive with honey for us all to experience. I adamantly refused to try it, so she smeared some on my lips Imagine my response when I took a taste anyway ^_^ (yes, it's a positive one)

Anyway... Somewhere between 3rd and 4th, she suggested that my parents have me tested by a psychologist. Eventually, my mom took me to see one, and the guy pretty much went "yeah, there's something amiss, but I'm not sure, so try here". I was finally diagnosed with having PDD-NOS at age 11, which is probably still pretty early, all things considered. By the way, that same teacher had my younger brother in her class a few years later, and she again said to my parents to have him tested. Turns out he has it too

There are a lot of things about my childhood that I can probably consider myself lucky in. Such as, my parents are still happily married, there was always food on the table, and my parents are two people I'm proud of. My mom never was very consistent in her upbringing of us, but that turned out to be a good thing - I don't mind chaos Actually, I sometimes prefer it over a structured life. All in all, I was raised in a loving home. And over the years of going through education, it was my mom who fought for getting my autistic disorder recognized by my high school, and getting me the help I needed to graduate high school. Which I did, by the way, when I was 19 (6 years of high school, doubled a year once).

So why haven't I mentioned any kind of contact with classmates yet?

Yeah, I was bullied. All throughout elementary, and way into high school right until I had to double a year and ended up in a much more sociable class. All the bullying was always verbal, and in person, I suck at coming up with a good response. So I got angry. Which, apparently, was "funny". Heh, I even received a "death threat" once, which of course was never acted upon. No, I was ridiculed, made fun of at every opportunity, lured into rages, and all that stuff bullies are wont to do, except hitting me. So I've never been able to establish a sense of selfworth. I took what they called me, and started calling myself that. And then some ">_>

I was 8 when I first muttered to my mom that I wanted to die. I probably noticed somehow that that saddened her, cause I don't remember ever saying that out loud in front of her again. I had two playmates during elementary, but neither was ever an actual friend. I had a crush during high school, but she started having large problems of her own during third year, and I never did find out what those were. There was the coffee lady who took me under her wing, so I spent most of my breaks helping out in the.. cafetaria I suppose, and there some other people there to hang out with, but I still kept to myself, thinking they wouldn't want me near anyway. Things improved after doubling a year, I started to hang out with classmates more when I was able to overcome my initial distrust of them (took me 5 months), developed a new crush (first one turned me down when I finally got the balls to confess ">_>), got turned down again, but at least made a friend in the process, made another friend out of a girl who was, as they say, alternative, and ended up spending less time behind the cafetaria's counter But I'd also learned how to wear masks, and I never told any of them what went on inside my head.

I found the internet when I was 13, and that's where I had most of my "social life" - playing games with people around the world. I still talk to some of those guys, and one in particular I consider to be a close friend. The internet also got me in touch with webcomics, and later on manga and anime. All of it gave me a place to run away to. Because after all this time, I still don't have a sense of self-worth, and I still tell myself what a useless idiot I am. Hell, I tend to not believe people when they give me an honest and fully meant compliment, or when someone tells me how good something I did was. I did end up with a couple more close friends, though, people I actually got to know in person instead of through a chat program. Some of these are even my neighbours. So again, I'm luckier than some. At times, I realize that, and then I bitch at myself for being such a whiny little pest and I should just get over myself already or crawl up and die.

But I finally got it through my thick skull that I need to work on that poor self-image I have.
Now I'm not sure I even had a point to go to with this... Murrh T_T"
Hell with it, it's written, posting...
... This ended up a lot longer than I thought it would... ">_<

tl;dr: diagnosed PDD-NOS at 11, bullied a LOT, no sense of self-worth because of it, go bash me over the head with a club for writing such a dumb long-ass post ">_>

[jarek56]

... Well, I've been around a while anyway, so might as well do this, too... I won't be going on for as long as Jarek, though

My friend, you couldn't POSSIBLY write a longer story than mine if you TRIED. With ONE THOUSAND MONKEHS. On TYPEWRITERS. Nope. Couldn't do it. BUT THANKS FOR TRYING! Great to meet you man, it's good to see someone laugh at me a little. I like being the funny guy.

[Leotrak]

Ah, perfect, I have found my fellow Joker Together we shall sow chaos and reap mayhem!

[jarek56]

Ah, perfect, I have found my fellow Joker Together we shall sow chaos and reap mayhem!

...Yes...YES...


YESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!

I have found...AN ALLY! LET THE MADNESS COMMENCE!

And now for perhaps my favorite troll vid. ENJOY! And incindentally, where I got the idea for this reply.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_F6BhAAbvo

[Extremist_Line]

Clinical depression. It's not severe enough that I have to take happy pills, but I do take natural 'mood enhancers'. I have self-loathing and a severe image problem. Last year I got a girlfriend. Two months later we 'broke up' with her saying that we were never really together. I didn't take it too well. Now I have two huge-ass scars on my arm and I see a therapist once a week.

Also, according to my therapist, I have some sprinkling of covert schizoid personality disorder http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizoid_p ... y_disorder and schizotypal personality disorder http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizotypa ... y_disorder Neither to be confused with schizophrenia. Rather, a lack of social skills and an intense fantasy world.

I always had a wish that if I could be put in a coma and hooked up to life support and be stuck in a dream world for the rest of my life, I would.

[Malkav]

I always had a wish that if I could be put in a coma and hooked up to life support and be stuck in a dream world for the rest of my life, I would.

The only three things keeping me from actively pursuing such a thing are the knowledge that: 1) I would be missed by people I love dearly, 2) I would effectively become a parasite on others, 3) I have no way to create my ideal world within a dream. I think everyone longs for an absolute happiness of that sort. We do not want to hurt.

[Extremist_Line]

3) I have no way to create my ideal world within a dream.

I have a remarkable ability to make my dreams lucid very easily and control what happens. I just think about ways I can tell it is a dream, i.e., "Would so-and-so act like this in real life?" And if I realize they wouldn't, bam, I'm lucid.

[splitInfinitive]

I always had a wish that if I could be put in a coma and hooked up to life support and be stuck in a dream world for the rest of my life, I would.

This right here. I keep a dream journal and it's practically what I live for. Thankfully, my inner world feels almost physical at times, so I can get good stuff while I'm awake, too. But the sleeping dreams are even cooler.

[khaos4ng31]

I used to record my dreams on my laptop. Bad dreams, good dreams, all dreams. Eventually I stumbled upon the ability to lucid dream. It's nice and all to be able to dream lucidly, but I kind of miss having to watch my "mental television", where I didn't know what else was going to happen next. In a way, lucid dreaming was the death of my dream's creativity and originality. When conscious, too many things go in my head (mainly rational decision making, "What choice should I make rationally that would benefit my isolation?") to let imagination flow.

I turn to LSD to compensate my lack of shows during sleep.

Harder to get now where I'm at. I'm lonely as fuck and want to be around people, yet I despise most of them for being human. If murder didn't warrant me time in jail or an institution, a blood trail tantamount to the Nile would have been left behind me.

Alas, I am indifferent and it doesn't really matter. Homicidal/suicidal thoughts keep me entertained and focused. I am glad to be isolated, yet it would be better to have someone to share this feeling with.

[Bloodhail]

I'm don't think this counts as a mental disorder but I have a strong case of avoidant personality disorder. I'm not sure how or why but I just remove myself from everything and everybody as if it were a natural course of action. For example, recently I was with family over for a party and I just instantly removed myself and went into a room alone and sat there until people left. It causes me to suffer from a major inferiority complex and I just can't handle being in social situations unless I know the people very well and and positive I am 'liked'.

Hopefully I'm not alone in this. I'm sure certain people on here can somewhat relate to how I feel even if it isn't hard-wired into their personality ...

[TheLastMelody]

I'm don't think this counts as a mental disorder but I have a strong case of avoidant personality disorder. I'm not sure how or why but I just remove myself from everything and everybody as if it were a natural course of action. For example, recently I was with family over for a party and I just instantly removed myself and went into a room alone and sat there until people left. It causes me to suffer from a major inferiority complex and I just can't handle being in social situations unless I know the people very well and and positive I am 'liked'.

Hopefully I'm not alone in this. I'm sure certain people on here can somewhat relate to how I feel even if it isn't hard-wired into their personality ... :)

Do not be afraid, you are not alone ^_^
I do that too, and usually, I don't go to parties unless there is some consequence for not doing it.